"I want the West Ham fans to know that before I finish my career we are going to win something - otherwise I'll kill myself."

- Paolo Di Canio . . . before yesterday's events at Old Trafford we were going to say he'd decided to live fast and die young. Now we're not so sure.

"My lawyer and the officials wanted me to speak so I just said that. It was nothing, it did not mean anything. I could have said `the curtains are pink but I love them'."

- Eric Cantona explains the non-philosophy behind that "when the seagulls follow the trawler" line.

"You can see that the difference between the top teams and the bottom teams in the Premiership is nothing."

- Sven-Goran Eriksson reveals he can't spot the difference between Manchester United and Bradford.

"It was John who signed all the players at Celtic. I don't know who was the worst although there were more bad ones than good ones."

- Kenny Dalglish takes one look at the buck and decides to forward it to John Barnes.

"I don't really like the North. It's always raining, it's very really cold and I don't like all those little houses. It's not for me."

- West Ham's Freddie Kanoute reveals himself to be more of an Eastenders than a Coronation Street man.