"I'll go back more than 20 years for the best signing I ever made - my wife Michelle."

-Aston Villa manager John Gregory - aaaah.

"I have the impression that I'm playing matches against ghosts. I don't really know whether they are dreams or nightmares."

- Arsenal striker Nicolas Anelka goes all spooky. Or was he talking about Jaap Stam's marking job on him at Highbury earlier this season?

"Five Motherwell fans wore T-shirts, each with a letter spelling out the word `GORAM'. Thankfully they all took the correct seats or else they might have been lending their support to someone called Morag."

- The Scottish Daily Record spots Andy Goram supporters in the crowd at Motherwell's game against Celtic. Or maybe they were fans of Donegal country and western legend Margo.

"I am not the type who will ask the manager around for a cup of tea. Others might do that, but I don't. I could stick my tongue so far up him that it would be unbelievable, but that's not my way."

- Paul Gascoigne insisting he won't grovel for a place in Kevin Keegan's first England squad. He has such a lovely way of putting things, hasn't he?

"Off the pitch Alan is a great lad, we got on very well at Newcastle."

- Keith Gillespie, reflecting fondly on his days at Newcastle with his pal Alan Shearer. Do we detect a memory block here? Last time they went out together (in Dublin), Gillespie ended up on the ground unconscious.

"Ken Bates' girlfriend approached me after Blackburn's match at Chelsea and asked if I wanted to join. At first I thought she was joking but she insisted she was serious and that Chelsea really wanted me."

- Blackburn striker Chris Sutton reveals Chelsea's novel approach to player-poaching.

"The club made a lot of trades and at the same time the new English coach Ronnie Wouillan will bring a different aspect to the game."

- Greek soccer website Hellas Soccer Club on events at Panionios this season. At least they got the "Ronnie" bit right.

Question: What's your favourite holiday resort? Answer: Bray.

- Young Dubliner James O'Connor, filling in a questionnaire on Stoke City's website, does his bit for the Wicklow Tourist Board.