Stories from the world of soccer

Beckham's Bentley is a right yarn

TO be honest we wouldn't know a wheelbarrow from a Bentley Arnage T, but we liked the look of the machine - the Bentley, not the wheelbarrow - when we saw one advertised in England last week. It belongs to none other than David Beckham, who, now that he'll be dividing his time between Los Angeles and Milan, hasn't much chance to take it out for a spin.

We considered putting in a bid, but a few things dissuaded us. Firstly, its price tag is €125,000, which is rather hefty. Secondly, it has a child seat with "Brooklyn" stitched in to it. Thirdly, it has "Victoria" stitched in to an armrest. Other than that, though, it looks a steal.

Italian not the job for Nielsen

DAVID Nielsen, once an employee of Norwich City, has had an eventful career. Four years ago he was in trouble after he returned to Denmark when it was revealed that himself and a team-mate owed an Aalborg bookie €201,000.

The club stood by him, but a year later really had no option but to dispense with his services when he assaulted a team-mate, Allan Gaarde, during training. Gaarde was left with concussion after being punched in the face.

If quotes attributed to him in the Observer are anything to go by, he has no regrets. Admitting that he attacked Gaarde, who had a spell in Italy with Udinese, because he was "pretentious" Nielsen explained that his habit of "talking loudly about wine in Italian" was the final straw.

"I told him: 'The next time you speak Italian I will break you in half. You're not f***ing Italian - you spent eight months there.' So when he did it again I decided to break his shitting legs like sticks. I jumped at him and bang. Jackpot. Felt good."

The Norwegian FA, apparently, are "investigating the comments". That might be wise.

Bargain hunter

HE might be earning €116,000 a week but Robinho is fully aware that money doesn't grow on trees. According to the Daily Mirror the Brazilian was spotted doing a little shopping in Harvey Nichols, spending £700 on clothes. And then, bless him, he queued for 25 minutes to sign up for a store card that would entitle him to a 50 per cent discount on his purchases.

What's it they say? Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves?

Quotes of the week

"I am sure to get my usual great reception at Celtic. Maybe I will stand in the centre-circle this time to get the full applause."

- Rangers old boy Alex Ferguson anticipating a warm welcome from Celtic fans at Parkhead.

"Harry Redknapp has shown dare and nerve in taking the Tottenham job. He was very happy at Portsmouth . . . and, let's get it right, doing an outstanding job."

- Eh, Jamie Redknapp.

"Are we cured? No, I think we're still not back to our best, although that Real Madrid win was some great chicken soup."

- Juventus goalkeeper Gianluigi Buffon, well fed after that Champions League win

"We've got to start winning games, that's the sixth game we've not managed to score and that will always cause you problems."

- Bolton manager Gary Megson on his team's key weakness - and they sorted it yesterday.

"Our season is not beyond my wildest dreams - because they usually involve Elle Macpherson."

- Hull chairman Paul Duffen puts his team's success this season in to some perspective.

"The team was happy with the news about Beckham, but what people don't know is that we'll also have George Clooney as coach and Brad Pitt as assistant manager."

- Kakha Kaladze looks forward to the arrival of Beckham at Milan.

"They would do really well. I'm sure they would get a point."

- Cesc Fabregas on how Arsenal's women's team might do against the men of Spurs. The same as Arsenal's men, as it proved - a draw.

"I'm not going to waste any time answering him, I admire his record, but he is getting old."

- Real Madrid president Ramon Calderon goes ageist in his attack on Alex of Ferguson. Eh, see below.

"I think Sepp Blatter is in danger or has reached a point now where he is being mocked within the game. Whether he is getting too old I don't know but these things can happen to people in power. Look at some of the despots in Africa."

- Alex Ferguson on his regard for Fifa president Sepp Blatter.

"Fear is a funny thing, isn't it? I think when you drive, you have a fear. In heavy traffic. When it's going quickly."

- Chelsea mightn't worry Alex Ferguson, but rush hour sure does.

"I wasn't swearing at him. I don't think I was too aggressive to him. His advice to me was 'Don't come in the dugout in the second half'. And you know me, I always listen to referees."

- Roy Keane after his brush with officialdom on Saturday.

"It was a large oversight on his behalf and the players think he should have been fined double. I used to do it myself - not lap dancing, there weren't such things in my day."

- Martin O'Neill on punishing John Carew.