A round-up of other soccer news in brief
WAG Danielle scores again
WE read a heart-rending item on Football 365 last week about the latest boyfriend of former Miss England Danielle Lloyd, who, apparently, has dated enough footballers to form a squad.
Apparently the Daily Mail had a photo of Danielle leaving a London nightclub with a young chap on her arm, and this is the caption they put under the image: “He’s no footballer, but WAG Danielle scores herself a new mystery man.” Who was the mystery man? Well, he mightn’t yet be a household name, but he is a footballer: Spurs’ Jamie O’Hara. Poor lad.
Thankfully, as Football 365 noted, the headline was later changed to: “WAG Danielle makes it a hat-trick as she scores herself a third Spurs player.”
Much better.
Quotes of the week
"I've never been so certain about anything in my life. I want to be a coach. Or a manager. I'm not sure which."
– Everton's Phil Neville, uncertainly certain about his post-playing plans.
"I've come to help, but I'm no saviour – I'm not going to emerge from a phone booth."
– Javier Aguirre attempting to dampen expectations on his appointment as coach of the Mexican national team – he has replaced Sven-Goran Eriksson, the Clark Kent of management, in the role.
"It is a problem. You've always got his interpreter running around the training ground. Sometimes you pass the ball and he chases it. And he's running alongside him and he gets in there and heads it in the back of the net."
– Harry Redknapp on Roman Pavlyuchenko's lack of English. Sounds to us like he should sign the translator.
More quotes of the week
“Their lad ought to be embarrassed with himself . . . he’s gone down like he’s a foreigner.”
– Kidderminster manager Mark Yates after one of his players was sent off for, allegedly, headbutting an opponent.
“(Alessandro) Del Piero should envy Inter for the 10-point gap we have over his side. He is right to speak about his past. He has done everything at Juve, just a shame he hasn’t won the Ballon d’Or.”
– Jose Mourinho making yet more friends in Italy.
“There’s no middle ground with us – it’s either heaven or hell. One week we’re in heaven, next week we’re in hell. What do you want to do about it – shake hands with the Devil?”
– Alex Ferguson on United blowing hellishly hot and calamitously cold.
“For me Ronaldo is like all the other players. I will take care and be focused. I’m certain and have faith in my ability.”
– Porto defender Aly Cissokho ahead of marking Ronaldo.
Strange 'partnerships'
“Cristiano Ronaldo today signed as Global Ambassador for the leading lubricants company, Castrol. The dynamic partnership between the world’s leading footballer and the market-leading brand will run until 2011. In his new global role Ronaldo will be the face of Castrol football initiatives that will show the energy, motivation and determination that goes into delivering winning performances on the pitch.”
Do Castrol do hair oil?
Klinsmann is not prepared to bear this cross
IT’S not entirely uncommon for the expression ‘he’ll be crucified for that’ to be used in a sporting context, but German paper Die Tageszeitung took it a step further when writing about Jurgen Klinsmann after Bayern Munich were hammered by Wolfsburg in the league and then Barcelona in the first leg of their Champions League quarter-final.
Beside the headline “Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life” (taken from Monty Python’s Life of Brian) the paper used a crucifixion image of Klinsmann on a cross. “From Germany’s superstar to Bayern’s bogeyman,” read the sub-headline. “Sonny boy Jurgen Klinsmann loses one match after another. Why the fallen saviour faces crucifixion.” Did Jurgen see the, eh, funny side? Well, no. The paper promptly received a letter from his lawyers claiming that their client had been “deeply and massively violated” by the image, and that they were suing for damages. They reckon, if successful, the case will cost Die Tageszeitung €100,000.
Bayern spokesman Markus Hoerwick said the affair was “perhaps the worst gaffe ever made by the German media”, a comment, incidentally, that drew this response from the UK Telegraph: “A little hyperbolic given that the German media was in the hands of Goebbels for a decade”. Lovely.
Editor Bascha Mika insisted the paper only “nailed Klinsmann to the cross metaphorically” as a reference to how the club had turned against him, after he had been their golden boy. “I expected a better sense of humour from Bayern Munich and especially from Jurgen Klinsmann,” she said.
Even more quotes of the week
"And so it's two down and three to go as Manchester United aim for the quadruple."
– Talksport's Ian Abrahams, as heard by a Private Eye reader.
"The Robinho I hope for has still not been seen in England."
– Eh, Robinho.
"I can't give any names. What I can say is that one of the best players in the world, thanks to Ramon Calderon and difficult and laborious negotiations that having been going on since last year, is already formally a Real Madrid player, subject obviously to him being able to sign the relevant contract."
– Ramon Calderon, who had to resign as Real Madrid president in January, promises a surprise arrival at the club this summer. Hull City's Jimmy Bullard?
"We are doing our job and we just hope that Barca slip up and we can catch them."
– Real Madrid's optimistic Brazilian defender Marcelo, who scored the winner against Recreativo Huelva on Saturday.
