Today's other stories in brief
Hard act to follow
No more than ourselves Hungary have been searching for a manager for their senior team after Peter Varhidi's contract ran out following an unsuccessful Euro 2008 qualifying campaign. Istvan Kisteleki, president of the Hungarian FA, hinted that Varhidi's successor would be a foreigner, the German Jürgen Kohler among those tipped for the job.
Well, Kisteleki and his colleagues finally made their decision last week and, much to the stupefaction of the media, the man chosen to succeed Varhidi was: eh, Varhidi.
"He was the board's only candidate," said Kisteleki, "he has our trust and so takes charge again as coach."
Mind you, we shouldn't be giving the FAI ideas.
Quotes of the week
Real Madrid are my favourite team, they are the best club in the world . . . I would not like to die without seeing my son playing there, then I could go knowing that my dream was fulfilled. If he goes to Madrid then I will go over to live with him. It is a city that I love.
- Dolores Aveiro, Cristiano Ronaldo's mammy. One thing you can say - subtle she isn't.
I'm not going to drive up to Manchester to be humiliated by someone like that.
- Don Givens, doing his best to coax Stephen Ireland back into the Irish squad.
I don't know whether, one, he wants a number two or, two, whether I would like to be one.
- Alan Shearer on talk of him becoming Kevin Keegan's assistant. You'd need a calculator to work that one out.
I have a feeling everyone is putting two and two together and making four.
- Hang on. Was Chris Coleman's agent Alan Smith actually confirming that his client is about to become Keegan's assistant?
A tremendous free kick! It probably would have gone in if he had put it where he intended to put it.
- Stan Collymore, as heard by a still-giggling Private Eye reader on BBC Radio.
He . . . walks into a room and a player grows by 20 per cent.
- Steve Harper on Newcastle messiah Keegan. As a BBC Online reader put it, it's a good job Peter Crouch doesn't play for the club.
Hope for ugly devils
There were yet more honours for Manchester United last week when 10 of the club's current or former recruits made it in to the top 20 list of "the ugliest players in the world", a charming little survey carried out by thepeoplesclub.com.
Mercifully only one Irishman, goalkeeper Paddy Kenny, was included in the list, and he only made it to 19th, a fair old distance behind the "winner", Wayne Rooney, who took 33 per cent of the votes cast by the 2,500 women polled.
There was also a proud family double for the Nevilles, Gary and Phil making the list too.
The list: 1 Wayne Rooney, 2 Ronaldinho, 3 Carlos Tevez, 4 Peter Crouch, 5 Ronaldo, 6 Luke Chadwick, 7 Robbie Fowler, 8 Darren Fletcher, 9 Rio Ferdinand, 10 Ruud van Nistelrooy, 11 Dirk Kuyt, 12 Joleon Lescott, 13 Gary Neville, 14 Robbie Savage, 15 Ivan Campo, 16 Robert Earnshaw, 17 Phil Neville, 18 Philip Senderos, 19 Paddy Kenny, 20 Edwin van der Sar.
There is hope, though, for all these fellas. The former Colombia goalkeeper René Higuita - he of scorpion-kick fame - has just made a comeback after a drugs ban, at the age of 41, for the second division side Deportivo Rionegro.
Not that anyone would recognise him. After being voted Colombia's "ugliest icon" a few years back Higuita underwent extraordinarily extensive cosmetic surgery on the reality TV show Cambio Extremo (Extreme Change) and now looks like a cross between George Clooney and Johnny Depp. Well, ish.
More quotes of the week
I think Capello's coming into a fantastic situation where the game is at its lowest. England is at its lowest, hasn't qualified, and the only way is up.
- A word of advice to Steve McClaren: don't put this in your CV.
They are like two children pulling a sickie, pretending they have tummy ache to avoid sitting a test in class.
- Italy boss Roberto Donadoni shows no hard feelings towards the retired internationals Francesco Totti and Alessandro Nesta.
Maybe Murts should check Ebay in a day or two.
- Kevin Doyle after the Reading captain Graeme Murty discovered the shirt given to him by Cristiano Ronaldo had gone missing from the dressing-room.
I tried to get him a year ago last January and he turned us down. When somebody does that it's like a woman saying no to you. It just makes you even more determined to get them.
- The lustful Watford manager, Adrian Boothroyd. His desires were finally satisfied: Collins John has joined on loan from Fulham.
We had 500 passes, Tottenham 222. We had 64 per cent of possession, 18 shots on goal and Tottenham 12 and we lost 5-1. That sums up well the game. We played much better than in the first game but we still lost.
- Arsène Wenger, graciously accepting that 5-1 drubbing by Spurs.
I have been reborn because of my faith. I'm an evangelical now. I haven't had sex for two years - really, there's nothing going on down there.
- The Juventus defender Nicola Legrottaglie. Thanks for that.
Vision cut short
January 14th: I don't have the slightest doubt that I'm capable of doing this job. I'm confident that the work we do with the team will help move us forward. I have a long-term vision.
- Ander Garitano after being appointed Real Zaragoza manager.
Eight days later: I didn't feel emotionally strong enough. As surprising as my decision must seem, it's purely down to personal reasons. I would rather someone else was coach because the team needs someone emotionally at 100 per cent.
- Ander Garitano after resigning as Real Zaragoza manager.
