You only zing when you're . . .You might remember when Bobby Zamora was scoring bucket-loads of goals for Brighton a few seasons back their supporters penned this tune in his honour, to the air of That's Amore: "When the ball hits the goal, it's not Shearer or Cole, it's Zamora."
When Zamora then moved to Spurs in the summer of 2003 the tune followed him, although with just one goal in 18 matches the White Hart Lane faithful didn't get too many chances to sing it.
Spurs, of course, offloaded Zamora to West Ham after those 18 games, and when the teams met the other weekend this is how Spurs fans greeted his arrival on the pitch as a late substitute: "If you sit in row Z, and the ball hits your head, that's Zamora."
Merciless. Mind you, Zamora scored when he came on . . . for all the good it did West Ham (lost 4-3).
Quotes of the week
"I have seen the film The Alamoand right now I feel like I've got Davy Crockett behind me. Sometimes I feel like I could put my head in a bucket of water." - Stuart Pearce, enjoying a relaxing season with Manchester City.
"I am sick whenever I lose. Just ask my mum what I was like even when I lost at tiddlywinks as a kid. We threw everything we could at them - the kitchen sink, the golf clubs, everything. We emptied the garage and threw it at them. At least my garage is tidy now." - Ian Holloway on Watford ending Plymouth's FA Cup ambitions.
"I would walk back from the United States to play for England again." - David Beckham. As we always suspected, the lad can walk on water.
"I was simply justifying his behaviour, remembering that he comes from post-communist Romania. What Mutu did was an instinct that comes with his nationality. For example if Maradona had been born in Oxford instead of in the Argentine suburbs then he wouldn't have scored that goal with his hand. Being cunning is a characteristic of Romanians. They have it in their blood. They had to develop it to survive." - Palermo president Maurizio Zamparini tries very, very, very hard to explain why he called Adrian Mutu a "crafty little gypsy".
More quotes
"It's the same as if you said to my missus that I was gay. It's nonsense. Nobody, nobody can change my mind or tell me what to do. The only person who might be able to change my mind is Chris Hughton." - Tottenham supremo Martin Jol's response to the charge that he was told by his board to play Dimitar Berbatov against Chelsea in the FA Cup. Hughton would probably very much like Jol to clarify his statement.
"I'm starting to get seriously tired of Mr Wenger, and he is starting to get on everyone's nerves. He doesn't know absolutely everything. He is not the only one who has a right to exist in the world of football. There comes a moment when enough is enough." - French coach Raymond Domenech suggests there's no amour lost between himself and Arsene.
"The request came out of the blue, but we had to say no. We just wouldn't do that sort of thing, we have a duty to respect the privacy of all our customers." - John Pallagi, owner of Liverpool restaurant Room, after a customer offered £500 for a glass used by Steven Gerrard. Truly, all human life is out there.
"There were some problems to solve and if you see the money of the club's owner, you would expect those problems to be solved. But that didn't happen." - Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho, still peeved about his £250,000,000 million squad not being reinforced in January.
Keane speak
"I spoke to the United manager yesterday about Jonny (Evans), he's got a good chance of being a top player. But keeping him long term? There is probably more chance of England's cricketers winning the World Cup." - On the sizeable odds against Manchester United selling Northern Ireland international Evans to Sunderland.
"Of course they were on time. More than on time. They were so early they brought the milk in." - On welcoming back to training the three players he'd dropped against Barnsley the previous week for being late for the bus.
"Stokesie has been as good as gold this week. We have to accept he'll make hundreds more mistakes. Like I keep telling people, he's 18 years of age, 18! Jesus, what were you doing when you were 18? The things I was doing at 18? Disgraceful!" - On his teenage years, suggesting he made Anthony Stokes seem like an cherub.
"It's not really the same. He's from Dublin, you see, Dubliners are different - like Cockneys." - On being asked if Stokes resembled the young Keane.
"I've got a bigger challenge here, that's all I'm focused on. Being manager of Sunderland is a lot bigger job. It's bigger especially when I make my own decisions and I'm not being influenced by anyone." - On . . . we're not sure. But we're detecting it's not a tribute to Steve Staunton.
"What's holding back Liam Miller is the fact that he's from Cork, without a doubt. People think I'm crazy for saying that, but I'm not. That would definitely go against him - you don't know the FAI as well as I do. If Liam can't get in that Irish 22 . . ." - On . . . not sure either. But it sounds like he's calling some folk langers.
