Today's others stories in brief

Coup made on Quinn gesture

You have to hand it to Football 365, hardly had Niall Quinn paid that £8,000 taxi bill to get those stranded Sunderland supporters home from Cardiff than they had this T-shirt (below) for sale on their website. If the club's merchandising department was as sharp they'd have a bigger transfer budget than Chelsea next season.

Quotes of the week

"If he keeps overdoing the food and smoking big fat cigars, he'll explode. I'm serious. He'll explode."

- Maradona's doctor Alfredo Cahe, concerned his patient will spontaneously combust.

Question: "Who would you prefer to be stuck with in a lift for two hours - Jose Mourinho or Alex Ferguson?"

Arsene Wenger: "Is there a fire exit instead?"

- Wenger, answering questions at a corporate event in Switzerland.

"I would say it is better to be five points ahead of the bottom three rather than five points behind."

- No flies on Aston Villa's Patrik Berger.

"It was moving to see the delight kids could get from having a real football. I was delighted when they gave me their old balls, made out of condoms, plastic bags and bits of string."

- Presumably Bobby Charlton, who was on a trip to a charity in Nairobi, had some explaining to do to customs' officers when they opened his bags on the way home.

"I don't think I'll ever be happy - it's not in my nature or in my blood. I get glimpses of it. If we go up I might allow myself a smile for 10 seconds."

- Sunderland manager Victor Meldrew.

Kyle's delusions of grandeur

It's barely a week or three since we read about Anton Ferdinand being stopped at gunpoint by police in London when, unknown to himself, he was driving a borrowed car that had been used in a robbery.

"Don't you know who I am," he was reported as asking, a dangerous enough request considering how he was playing at the time. If one of the policemen was a West Ham fan he could well have mowed Anton down.

Anyway, we were reminded of the Anton story when we read about Coventry City's Kevin Kyle being given 120 hours community service last week after he was convicted of two breaches of the peace, one for throwing punches at a chap, the other for swearing at police officers.

Kyle was none too happy with the punishment, insisting that he should have got a fine.

"They are making an example of me, it's only because of who I am," said the Coventry striker who has three goals in 31 appearances this season and last played for Scotland three years ago.

Blind faith of Wolves' fans

"I'd rather have McCarthy than Roy Keane, Oh I'd rather have McCarthy than Roy Keane, He didn't cripple Haaland, Or walk out on Ireland, Oh I'd rather have McCarthy than Roy Keane."

- Whether or not they were brave enough to sing it at the Stadium of Light on Saturday we don't know, but this was the tune Wolves fans were sharing on a few of their websites last week.

More quotes of the week

"He really is different gravy."

- Bolton's Kevin Nolan pays tribute to Ryan Giggs. We think.

"Man United can lose points. Three against Chelsea and three from the moon."

- Jose Mourinho before United's trip to Portsmouth, where 'Arry Redknapp's Lunar XI put a smile on the Chelsea supremo's face.

"When you are low you can't show it to your players and shouldn't show it when you go home, although I have done on occasions. I remember cancelling Christmas one year - but that was a bad thing to do."

- Speaking of 'Arry - here he is remembering the bad times, when he boarded up his chimney at home so Santa couldn't get in.

"He is intelligent and maybe he thinks other people are stupid. Being intelligent is a great quality. Intelligent people are one step ahead of other people . . . he is an intelligent man, a successful man, you cannot be a great manager if you are not intelligent. The time I spend with him I always enjoy so much because he is intelligent. I accept what he said as an intelligent quote from an intelligent person."

- Jose again. We think he thinks Alex Ferguson is intelligent.

"If I put Riordan in instead of Nakamura, you're off your head; take Aiden out, you're off your head; leave Maciej out, you're off your head. So basically, I'm off my head."

- Gordon Strachan, insisting that whatever team he picks Celtic fans will thinks he's, well, off his head.

Boothroyd feeling the hurt

These are dark days for Watford, rooted to the bottom of the Premiership. Until this season manager Aidy Boothroyd was highly regarded, but he's beginning to detect that he's losing respect.

"I was roped in to be the manager and we actually won a game, although it was a terrible experience," he said last week, after he took charge of his son's five-a-side primary school team. "The team didn't do anything I asked them to do, but they still won. I did notice that the opposition were saying: 'Come on, we've got Watford!' when they saw I was the manager." Poor fella.

Beckham's loss is Macedonia's gain

You will, we're certain, remember news from a year ago that David Beckham's armour-plated BMW X5 was stolen from a car park in Madrid. Where, we rarely wondered, did the car end up? Fantastically, it is now (allegedly) an official government vehicle in Macedonia, with interior minister Gordana Jankulovska the current occupant of the back seat.

The allegation was made in the Macedonian press last week, prompting the local police to look in to the matter. "Before it reached Macedonia, this vehicle had changed hands 20 times in Spain, so we have no proof that it belonged to Beckham," said spokesman Ivo Kotevski.

He explained that the car was shipped to Greece before being driven to Macedonia, where it was seized by police during a raid on a people-smuggling gang in November. When no one came forward to claim the car the Macedonian government began using it as an official vehicle."

The Sun - and we're certainly not going to doubt the veracity of the quote - claimed that the wife of Minister Jankulovska is offering to personally hand over the car to Beckham should he ask for it back. "I will hand him the keys myself," she purred.