Planet Football:McCarthy's men abroadBusy auld week. Where do we start? The indestructible Matt Holland (below) played in his 200th consecutive league game for Ipswich against Fulham (he hasn't missed a league game since July 1997) before scoring the winner against Everton in his 201st.

The likes of Darren "sick note" Anderton can only read Holland's stats and weep, we suspect.

And what of young Keano? Michael Thomas Joseph, that is, not Roy or Robbie. We've had a soft spot for the 19-year-old Dubliner, ex-Cherry Orchard, ever since he made his debut for Preston North End against Blackburn last year, coming on as a sub in an extra large shirt when it should have been a medium. As Preston's website puts it, "an all-action, 34-minute run-out and a shirt that looked more like a tent earned him adulation and cult status among the fans".

Keane, a midfielder, whose young career has survived listing Chris de Burgh as one of his favourite singers, scored the winner against Bradford last week to lift Preston into the top 10 in the First Division. He's already an Irish under-21 international and is progressing nicely. Keep an eye on him.

Debuts? Three. Striker Niall McNamara played his first game for Notts County last week against Northampton; Alan O'Hare, on loan from Bolton, made his debut for Chesterfield; and Brian Cash (19) was given his first chance for Nottingham Forest, coming on as a sub in Saturday, replacing fellow Irish teenager Andy Reid. The Forest squad, incidentally, also included three more young Irish lads: John Thompson, Keith Foy and Barry Roche. Who said Carlisle was England's "Irish" club?

Non-service provider gets off lightly

In light of NTL's decision to drop Eurosport from its service right bang in the middle of the African Nations Cup, the cable group should be grateful that its cheesed-off, sports-mad customers didn't react in quite the same manner to their loss as a group of Kenyan schoolboys last week. A nine-year-old led a group of more than 300 pupils in two days' rioting at Nyabohanse boarding school after they were refused permission to watch the tournament on television. They then proceeded to tie up headmaster George Oguta, pour petrol on him and were all set to ignite him when military police from a nearby barracks came to his rescue. The school has now been closed. NTL? Count your blessings, you got off lightly.

Our Bobby strikes again

Is it any wonder that we cherish Bobby Robson (left) and Kevin Keegan like we do? Gem after gem after quotable gem, that's what they give us. They've struck again. Over to you Bobby: "Alan (Shearer) has done very well for us considering his age. We have introduced some movement into his game because he has got two good legs now. Last season he played with one leg."

And Kev? "I personally feel that Millwall, along with Wolves, are the best side in this division. Apart from us." (Memories of "England have the best fans in the world and Scotland's fans are second-to-none" and "They're the second best team in the world, and there's no higher praise than that").

Quotes of the week

"You know, if I don't score, people are going to say: 'He didn't score'."

- Andy Cole, as magnificently quoted by DangerHere.com.

"He went down like a role of lino."

- With thanks to Gavin Flood, who heard this peach of a line, as uttered by Mick McCarthy, on the BBC.

"Ten men Arsenal beat Blackburn, Chelsea easily overcome Leeds, and Newcastle overturn a defecate to win . . ."

- Headline spotted by Football 365 on fa-premier.com last week. Does this mean Bobby Robson's boys evacuated their bowels to stay in contention in the Premiership title race?

"Of course I heard what they were saying, how could I not with these ears?"

- Peter Reid after Sunderland supporters were heard calling for his head after the defeat to Middlesbrough.

"The surgery went well, even though it wasn't very pleasant, but with these two black eyes have made me look uglier than ever."

- David O'Leary after his nose job.

Reporter: "What do you think of the state of the Stamford Bridge pitch?" Claudio Ranieri: "Ah, the pitch is s**t. Yes, very s**t. But it's okay, it's our s**t."

- A conversation with the Chelsea manager, as reported by Football 365.

"There's not as much quality in the team as I thought, so it has proven difficult. I'm not saying the team is useless . . ."

- Do we sense a "but" coming at the end of Leicester City manager Dave Bassett's lament?

"There is something about the size of the pitch at home. It is tighter and more compact. We have a dynamic way of playing. Everyone defends well, and we put opponents under pressure - so there's more physical contact. On a bigger pitch, you have less contact."

- Arsenal Wenger (right) explains why Arsenal keep getting players sent off at home - it's down to the size of the pitch. Stop chuckling at the back.

Matters relating to monkey mating

You may, or may not, be familiar with the tale that gave Hartlepool its nickname "the monkey hangers": during the Napoleonic Wars a French ship was washed ashore on the north east coast of England and a Hartlepool fishermen found the sole survivor to be the ship's pet monkey. Having never seen a monkey before the local folk didn't quite know what to do with the creature so they decided to hold a trial on the beach - the monkey was found guilty of being a French spy and was hanged there and then.

We found this account on a Hartlepool website (don't ask) where, we noted, there's no love lost between the town and their neighbours from Middlesbrough. How do we know this? To quote the website: "I'm sure that local people, such as myself, feel pride at being 'monkey hangers' and would not have it any other way. As someone once said, at least we had the sense to hang the monkey, and not breed with it like the folk from Middlesbrough."

Getting under the Japanese skin

Earlier this week the London Evening Standard reported that the British Foreign Office had warned England fans travelling to the World Cup to conceal their tattoos because the Japanese associate them with criminals. The report suggested that some players who might be World Cup bound should heed this warning too, not least German defender Christian Ziege who "has one of his daughter Alexandra, although it looks like William Hague", Juan Sebastian Veron (left, Che Guevara) and David Beckham ("Brooklyn" and "Victoria"). Regrettably, Wales' Robbie Savage won't have the opportunity to display his inky tribute to fashion designer Armani. Cripes.

Song of the week

"When we're away in the green, the best team that you've ever seen, we've got the class and the skill, it's just like watching Brazil, when we're at home in the red, we always score in the Shed, we're just too good to be true, we'll kick the **** outta you.

"We love you Patrick's, our hearts are Red and White, We love you Patrick's, we're gonna sing all night, so bring your Bohs, Rovers, Shelbourne to Inchiiiiiiicore."

Hearty thanks to St Patrick's Athletic devotee Dermot for this tune (hum Can't Take My Eyes Off of You).

Football on TV

Wednesday: West Ham v Chelsea (FA Cup fourth round replay), Sky Sports, 7 .45.

Sunday: Everton v Arsenal, Sky Sports 1, 4.0.