PLANET SOCCER:EVENTS IN the world of football can sometimes be stranger than fiction but, generally, it's not too difficult to figure out thespoof.com deals solely in made-up yarns – two clues – (1) the name of the website and (2) written underneath each yarn is: "The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious."

It was then, with disbelief, the Guardianreported last week French newspaper L'Equipehad used thespoof.com as its source for "information" about a former England striker in an article entitled "Les Bad Boys du Foot Anglais".

The paper actually named the player in question, reporting he had been arrested in March 2008 for “possession of £120,000 worth of cocaine” which had been found sewn into the lining of five footballs at East Midlands Airport after arriving from Brazil. They even quoted the player’s lawyer, “Mr Bob Twat”, insisting his client was innocent.

As the Guardianput it, "now sit back and await correspondence from the player's real-life lawyer. Clue: we don't mean Mr Bob Twat".

Candid talk

“****ing abysmal, that’s what I ****ing thought of it . . . it was a crap start to a game . . . ****ing rubbish, absolute tosh. Drivel. Shite. Bullshit . . . I’m ****ing livid about it – of course I am. So, there you have it.”

– Mick McCarthy a touch displeased by Wolves’ defeat to Reading.

“If I ever do a book – which I won’t – the headline will be: ‘Don’t Google Me’.”

– Craig Bellamy, keen to keep his shady past a secret.

Kinnear looks a right Charlie

“SHAY (GIVEN) pulled out with a knee injury yesterday as did Insomnia . . . Insobia . . . eh, Charlie,” said Joe Kinnear after Newcastle’s defeat to Manchester City, his inability to correctly pronounce Charles N’Zogbia’s name the final straw in what was already shaping up to be an irretrievable breakdown in relations between the pair.

“This is at best disrespectful and at worst deeply offensive, especially as insomnia is as difficult to pronounce as N’Zogbia,” said Professional Footballers’ Association chief executive Gordon Taylor, as he supported Charlie.

But we’re not sure Charles – or, on his behalf, Graham – should have taken it so personally. After all, Kinnear was the man who referred to Newcastle midfielder Geremi as “Jeremiah” and, legend has it, used to refer to Bosman free transfers as “the Bosnian rule”.

Quotes of the week

“I can’t sleep at night for the crisis we are going through. How can I handle it when we won the Super Cup, are top of the Serie A table, in the Coppa Italia semi-final and the second round of the Champions League?”

– Jose Mourinho. Of course.

“Maybe some people need to go to church on Sunday for confession.”

– Stephen Hunt on Reading’s claim that they have yet to receive a bid for him in the transfer window. Ten Hail Marys and six Our Fathers for them?

“He was good for that one season at Wigan – now he moans more than my ex-wife.”

– Sky Sports’ pundit Alan Mclnally on Pascal Chimbonda.

“The second half was a crazy game and when it is a crazy game you can’t control things. Why was it crazy? Because it was crazy.”

– Rafa Benitez on Liverpool’s draw at Wigan. (Did Manchester United fans have a point on Saturday when they sang: “He’s cracking up, he’s cracking up, he’s cracking – Rafa’s cracking up”?).

Nigel proves he's a chip off old block

THE LATE Brian Clough, you might remember, once famously declared that “being thick isn’t an affliction if you’re a footballer because your brains need to be in your feet”. His son, Nigel, now manager at Derby County, has spent much of his life distancing himself from such declarations, insisting he’s much more like his mother than his father.

Well, we read in the Mirrorlast week that he's seen to it that a series of inspirational quotes – from the likes of Lance Armstrong and Michael Jordan – on the walls around the club's training ground be painted over, young Nigel partly explaining his decision by pointing out "most of the players can't read anyway".

A chip off the ol’ block after all?

More quotes of the week

"I used to love scones with my tea. I love English scones. I love cheesecake, too. I wasn't so much of a fan of fish and chips, that's for sure, but I miss my tea, my scones and banoffee pie. I really love desserts."

– Is this Thierry Henry issuing a come-and-get-me-back plea to Arsene Wenger?

"In the end we lost a bad third goal because of an individual error by the goalkeeper, but I'm not going to point the finger of blame at anyone for that."

– Falkirk manager John Hughes pointing the finger at his goalkeeper, without blaming him.

"My wife cringes every time someone calls me Sir Alex or calls her Lady Cathy. She says to me, 'I don't know why you accepted it in the first place'."

– Ferguson reveals his knighthood is as popular at home as he is with Rafa Benitez.