SO WHERE were you when Ken Doherty won the World Snooker Championship on Monday, May 5th, 1997? Sitting in front of the telly? Me too. But you were lucky, you didn't have my Da sitting beside you.
He's thinking of writing a book now, with the working title `Ken Doherty - My Part In His Success'. "Screw back there Ken for the yellow - chalk your cue first. Good man. Now, take the red over the right middle pocket. A bit of side and you'll be perfect for the pink. Okay, time to disturb the pack Ken. Good man, steady yourself now." And so it went on and on and on and on.
The BBC needn't have hired Clive Everton, John Spencer or Dennis Taylor at all. They could have saved themselves a fortune by setting up an Outside Broadcast Unit in my Da's sitting room to capture his running commentary. Except they mightn't have appreciated the regular cries of "Good Jesus, he'll catch him yet" as Hendry closed the gap on our Ken.
The final session. Ken leads 15-9. Three more frames, that's all he needs. Frame 25. Ken looks nervous, Hendry doesn't.
15-10.
Frame 26. Whoosh. Hendry swaggers his way to a 110 break. "It's a tremendous accolade to his fortitude," says John Parrott back in the studio. "He's just starting to look dangerous," says John Spencer, ominously. "The gap reducing all the while," whispers David Vine. "Good Jesus, Doherty's done for," says Da.
"Ken's just got to stick to his game and his method - he's not got to contemplate the appalling prospect of having his heart's desire snatched away," adds Clive Everton. "Dadum ........... dadum ... dadumdadumdadumdadum," says an entire nation of Irish hearts.
Frame 27. Da's losing his composure. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE THE BLOODY RED OVER THE MIDDLE POCKET - EEJIT," he roars.
"No more shouting out please, no more shouting," replies referee Alan Chamberlain. "Da, that's the brown," I whisper. "Oh. That telly needs a new tube then.
"So do you Da, so do you."
Hendry needs a snooker. Doherty fouls the pink. Hendry no longer needs a snooker. "Good Jesus," says Da. Hendry pots the black. 15-12. He sits back in his chair, nostrils flailing, sensing the sweet smell of yet another world title. "Good Jesus," says Da, again. "Could that frame be an enormous psychological point in this game, says Clive. "ENORMOUS," agrees Da.
"It really is such a shock to the system to lose a frame in the way that he just has. You really do need special qualities to keep cool," adds Clive. "Are you listening Da?"
Frame 28. Doherty goes 65-0 up. But. "Whoooo," hoots the crowd when Ken misses a pot. "I find it hard to believe Ken Doherty played that shot, a terrible choice of shot," says John. "Terrible? BLOODY AWFUL," says Da. "Good Jesus, he's finislied now." But Ken wins the frame. 16-12.
The interval. Da goes out for a breather. He returns. "Jesus, "Doherty's looking shook," he says. "That's Jimmy White Da - they're showing Hendry's 147 from 1995." "Right."
Getting to see Hendry's 147 from 1995 does nothing for Da's nerves. "Turn over to something else there until they come back."
They come back. "C'MON KEN, YOU CAN DO IT, STEADY YOURSELF," shouts Da. "Fine, thank you, no more shouting out please," says the ref.
Frame 29. Ken steadies himself. 17-12. "Home and dry," declares Da. Frame 30. Ken builds a 43 break. "Wonder what he'll spend the money on." The white goes in off. "Good Jesus, Hendry'll win it now. Hendry misses a red. "HOME AND DRY, HOME AND DRY," shouts Da. "No more shouting out or you won't see the end of the match," warns the ref. "God, I wouldn't want to miss the end of this."
Ken keeps his cool, grins and wins the World Championship. "Didn't I tell you he would," says Da. "And a cheque for £210,000 to the winner, KEN DOHERTY," says David Vine. "Good Jesus," says Da. David tells Ken about his mother getting a puncture on the way home from Mass the previous night.
"At least you'll be able to buy her a new bike now," says David. "Buy her a new bike? After winning £210,000? Good Jesus, if that's all he buys her she should give him a clip round the ear," says Da.
