TV View: Such were the levels of anticipation since the semi-finals the build-up seemed interminable, even if it was only actually a week long.
At last, the moment had arrived: another showing of Cadbury's rugby World Cup ad with the gorilla playing drums along to In The Air Tonight. The finest 90 seconds in television history? Undoubtedly. Could the rugby final live up to it?
Well, Matt Dawson had described England's semi-final win over France as "seat-of-the-edge stuff", which it certainly was, and while our TV3, Setanta and ITV pundits forecast just as tense an evening, nobody was promising a spectacle as exciting as an enormous hairy primate doing a Phil Collins impression. In that sense, then, inevitably it was a case of "after the Lord Mayor's show".
The Setanta boys, Ciarán Fitzgerald, Matt Williams, Neil Francis, held their hands up and offered respect to Brian Ashton's team - a month ago they reckoned they had as much chance of reaching the final as, say, Cyprus had of leaving Croke Park unbeaten. Their host, Daire O'Brien, was magnanimous too, particularly about one of the older and much maligned members of the team, hailing Mike Catt as "a pin-up for menopausal men everywhere". Ciarán, Neil and Matt nodded furiously.
Over on TV3 Jim Glennon was wishing England well, even half suggesting he hoped they'd win, which just told us how much we'd matured as a nation. Or how much rugby people dislike South Africa, it's hard to know.
Generous he might have been, but back on Setanta, Daire would allow his panel go only so far, banning the trio from the use of the phrase "bulldog spirit". The ban, though, didn't extend to Jim Rosenthal over on ITV who believed the England team to be so imbued with "bulldog spirit" they needed to be muzzled for South Africa's safety.
"COME ON YOU BEAUTIES, ONE MORE TIME," said Jim, as he handed over to Miles Harrison in the commentary box. "So here we have it, the World Cup final, enough said for now, time for noise, not words," said Miles, which put Jim in his place.
And off we went. To be honest, nothing much happened until the try that wasn't early in the second half. "IT'S THEEEEEEERE," said Miles when Mark Cueto crossed the line. "Oooooh, that's tight you know...I'D GIVE IT," agreed Stuart Barnes, while they waited for Australian television match official Stuart Dickinson to make up his mind. "Up you go left leg! It's up! It's a try! I'm sticking by that," he said, after studying 64 replays. "It's a try! It has to be given - NOW," said Miles, just before it wasn't.
So England lost the World Cup. As the Sunday Peopleput it in their tribute to South Africa, 'ROBBED BY A BLOODY AUSSIE'. All three panels examined the try that wasn't in great detail.
"It came down to millimetres," said Paul Wallace on TV3.
"It's inches," said Martin Johnson on ITV, so Cueto's left foot was moving further away from the line with every replay. "It will be the big talking point, we don't want to labour it, but . . ." said Jim, and it was a Very Big But. But, and it's an even Bigger one, he had to rip up his 'we woz robbed' script when Martin had one more look and conceded the Bloody Aussie had probably got it right. "Does his left foot touch the line? There? Yes. I think actually it does before the ball goes down," he said.
One world title gone, but there was always Lewis. Hamilton, that is. "I don't think there's going to be any problems, I think it's all going to go to plan," said ITV's Mark Blundell before the Brazilian Grand Prix. And that's pretty much where Lewis's hopes ended.
Mind you, his day wasn't nearly as painful as that of two Williams-Toyota lads. "Oh! Oh my goodness me," gasped ITV commentator James Allen, "the mechanic has been flattened by his driver!" Yes, Kazuki Nakajima, making his first ever Formula One pit stop, ran over two of his team. And while they dragged their broken bodies to safety their colleagues carried on re-fuelling the rookie driver, when, really, they should have been taking the keys out of his ignition.
Anyway, Kimi Raikkonen won the F1 title and was so elated he nearly broke in to a smile.
"It's been an awful weekend for British sport," sighed Martin Brundle. Indeed, but it must have been nice to at least have been in contention. All we, as a nation, had to savour was a gorilla playing drums.
