Pitch invasions? Inebriated fans? Bar-room brawls? Spitting? Heckling? Obscenities hurled at opponents? Jingoism? Post-match bitching? Post-match gloating? Bad losers? Even worse winners? Blonde-only wives in matching outfits created by designers with a wacky sense of humour? Golf, eh?

Even your average unreconstructed Millwall Football Club supporter might have been afraid at Brookline last weekend. Very afraid. But let's be honest, all of the above helped make the 1999 Ryder Cup very probably the first Ryder Cup to stir the blood of those of us who don't spend our nights dreaming of Big Bertha. And all of the above, one suspects, accounts for why some of us would have sacrificed our Grannies there and then in front of our telly screens if Jose Maria Olazabal could have sunk that putt, so rudely delayed by the Riverdancing Justin Leonard, David Love, Tom Lehman and their extended families. True, it was tricky at the start to throw your emotional weight behind such a fluffy entity as `Europe' (unless we thought of all those structural funds and the Cavan by-pass they financed), but if you took your prompting from those who hinted that the American team had no class (and that this was The Louvre v McDonalds, Michelangelo v Mickey Mouse), then it was easy to get fired up for the three days of the competition.

Then there's the religion thing with American golfers, alluded to by Sam Torrance. Take a look through the annual PGA directory and look up their "interests" and you'll see than most of them list hunting and God as their favourite things - in that order.

Liking God is a good thing, of course (hunting's a different matter - it's a well-known scientific fact that hunters of any persuasion are in urgent need of psychiatric help), but we Europeans prefer religion to be a private matter not to be publicly flaunted. Note how American golfers who win major tournaments always thank God - Europeans thank their caddies. 'Nuff said. So that was another reason to care about the outcome of the Ryder Cup.

So you see, it's a wonderful opportunity to give vent to that little hint of anti-Americanism that lies within most of us, and that's very probably why we conveniently forgot that the crimes perpetrated by the Americans on the Europeans at Brookline were just about identical to ones perpetrated by the Europeans on the Americans at the last two European-staged competitions. Maybe if we'd gently reminded ourselves of that fact we'd have been spared the post-Brookline hysteria of the past week.

But still, the trans-Atlantic slanging match that followed the events of last weekend proved very nearly as intriguing as the competition itself, with Davis Love III clinching the "Answer that!" award with his rhetorical question, "how long have they been calling our wives `flight attendants' and `bimbos'?" (If he'd seen last week's Daily Mirror he could have added `Barbies' to the catalogue of insults).

So, picture the Belfry in two years' time. Half the crowd will be wearing Sam Torrance replica shirts, the other half chanting "Who are ya?" at the American team. The American supporters will be kept on the course, for their own safety, for an hour after the end of play to allow the police time to move the European fans, armed with Stanley knives, out of the area. And if you think the Europeans' disdain for the Americans is not returned in kind then pay a visit to the CBS Sportsline golf discussion forum on the internet. "Europeans? Imperialistic, slave-trading, land-grabbing boars - what do you know about decorum? You've left your Queen's English smeared all over this planet, you deserve to lose . . . your `money game' needs work . . . maybe next time on your drab continent in two years."

See? They don't like us either, although quite how they can accuse Miguel Angel Jimenez of smearing the planet with the Queen's English one doesn't know.

Also spotted on the discussion forum: "What Europe is now doing costs them a little bit of their soul every time they fail to own up - They choked and should take it like men, not whiny little losers"; "This is to all the Europeans and Europeans fans - take the choke job like the pansies you are and deal with it". To which a `European' replied, "You know, you give a perfect example of why Americans are so loved around the world."

There was, though, much appreciated support for Europe from a few Canadians on the golf forum, so heartfelt, in fact, that the possibility of a Europe and Canada team taking on the Americans in the next Ryder Cup shouldn't be ruled out.

"Now you know why I wear my Canadian flag on my luggage and backpacks when I travel abroad - perish the thought that I should ever be confused for being American," said one.

"You don't know if your French, English, British, American, German, Dumb, Stupid or Eskimo. As far as being mistaken for being an American - if I had my head X-rayed, it would show nothing but a gerbil on a treadmill. As for you, you'd show a hockey puck, since that's apparently what you think like," replied an American. (No, I don't understand the "gerbil on a treadmill" bit either).

And this was all on a forum discussing the Ryder Cup. Look what it's done to inter-continental relations (it's even dragged Canada in to the row). The most shameful Ryder Cup in the history of the competition, maybe, but you wouldn't mind being at the next one in two years' time - if the tickets haven't sold out already.