There are a lot of things in life you should do to achieve admission into heaven at the pearly gates of St Peter. Some are a given – don’t cheat, lie, steal, kill or basically be a bad person. Some are jobs thrust upon you because usually there is nobody else to do them, or everyone else flat-out refuses.
In kids’ sports, the last parent in is usually the first to be handed the crumby jobs, namely referee or coach. The thing about underage sports is it always starts out nice. Parents are keen to keep you onside, children are excited they get to run around in organised chaos, and club administrators tell you if there’s anything you need, just call.
Then training starts, then the season, and, if you’re lucky, you could go all the way to finals. Somewhere in the middle, you also lose those comrades who vowed to support you no matter what.
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Best of all, you are introduced to what Americans call a Soccer Mom. Usually called Karen, Susan or Lisa (maybe the millennial versions are Kate, Kristen and Stephanie), they are the ones who pull up in nice athleisure wear, your LuLuLemon’s or Sweaty Betty’s, and automatically think their child is the best player on the team. They also have a penchant for Pilates, green juices and luxury.
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Soccer Mom might yell at the stupid referee to call the foul, but Sports Dad could be known to take matters into their own hands
Showing up to games, especially big ones, in their 221s, handing out gear, boots and advice, you can’t miss a Soccer Mom. An exaggerated version would yell something like, “excuse me, best player coming through!”. They’re also the more vocal on the parents/coach WhatsApp group chat, constantly questioning why little KayLeigh or TJ aren’t playing, despite also being aware the child isn’t really turning up to training because the parent can’t bring them.
They are also on the sidelines with orange slices, water, snacks for their child (and a chosen team-mate), giving encouragement disguised as a put-down for both child and coach. The coach should know that KayLeigh or TJ aren’t midfielders, and they score goals and points like winners do.
The American Soccer Mom might be self-righteous and borderline condescending, but nothing compares to their husbands. These Daves, Mikes or Steves, also known as Sports Dads, are known every once in a while to blow off steam at an under-12s game.
Nine times out of 10 these parents mean no harm. They usually try their best to support their child by chauffeuring them to every babysitter, I mean coach, available
Now, there are two types of Sports Dad. On one side, we have Coach Dad, usually a man whose sporting dreams ended at minor level with a blown-out knee, but that won’t stop him from making your dreams a reality. Unfortunately, Coach Dad has crushed your Olympic dreams by embarrassing you in front of your team-mates and peers at age 10.
Then you’ve got Sideline Dad, not to be mistaken with Coach Dad. Sideline Dad is just as sports-obsessed but doesn’t understand that to make the team you might have to show up to training. Sideline Dad also decides the only way an instruction can be given is to announce it in public spaces at the top of his lungs.
Soccer Mom might yell at the stupid referee to call the foul, but Sports Dad could be known to take matters into their own hands. Namely, enter the pitch and verbally abuse someone. If the referee or a coach stands up to Sports Dad, things get physical.
The same lines are wheeled out. It’s an awful shame, he’s really not that bad, and the family are well respected. Usually, the local committee, probably Dave’s neighbour, has to dole out the punishment. You can’t turn up to matches for 12 weeks since you can’t control your emotions.
Maybe we just don’t want to admit we’re that overbearing parent vicariously living through their child
The injustice of a 12-week timeout would really calm someone down who is, and I say sternly, always right.
If you’re a volunteer, referee or coach, nodding your head identifying these characters within your local club, chances are you are not the only one. While the characteristics may be slightly exaggerated, we all know one.
Nine times out of 10 these parents mean no harm. They usually try their best to support their child by chauffeuring them to every babysitter, I mean coach, available. Sometimes it’s just a caring parent who is invested in their kids’ hobbies and travels to their games to support them. But it’s usually a parent who is too invested in how well her kids perform in sports and acts overbearing around the coaches, parents, and other players.
Sporting bodies need to crack down on Soccer Moms or Sports Dads. If they are left to reign supreme, there’s a high chance there won’t be a sports team for their child to get involved with. The flip side is maybe we just don’t want to admit we’re that overbearing parent vicariously living through their child. It’s time for empty gestures to turn into action.
