DAIL SKETCH:"I'M OFF!" Two words from the Minister for Transport summed up his Government's attitude yesterday to discussing the economic crisis in the national parliament.

They didn’t want to do it. And what’s more, they were highly affronted at the very idea that they might be expected to supply some clarity on the issue. How dare an opposition come into the House and seek to question a government’s performance during a time of national crisis?

Call it arrogance. Call it ignorance. Call it avoidance. Whatever it was, from Brian Cowen down, they were a disgrace.

Minister Noel Dempsey was astonishing. He was supposed to be in the Dáil to make a statement on “Delivering Sustainable Economic Renewal and Securing our Public Finances”. Instead, Noel took to the pitch like a Meath fullback nursing a grudge, with a line of Dublin forwards in front of him offering themselves up for demolition.

He totally ignored the issue at hand, preferring instead to launch into a full-blooded rant against the Opposition.

Listening to Noel, in tribal full flow, you wouldn’t have known that thousands of people are losing their jobs every week and people the length and breadth of the country are petrified they might lose their homes.

Instead, he rounded on Fine Gael for having no solutions – not like when Fianna Fáil were in opposition. Enda Kenny’s party is “far more negative than Fianna Fáil ever was”. Clouds and cuckoos come to mind.

He attacked the party for its lack of patriotism and harked back to the days of the Tallaght Strategy, when Alan Dukes was leader, and he worked with a Fianna Fáil government in an effort to overcome the economic crisis.

“It’s quite clear that Alan Dukes, for whom I have still the highest admiration, wasn’t typical of Fine Gael,” lectured Noel loftily. (So maybe Brian Cowen’s reference to Alan Dukes that morning was not a slip of the tongue after all – during Leaders’ Questions, he referred to him as Sir Alan Dukes.) Having torn off Enda Kenny, Noel moved on to the Labour leader.

The recent opinion poll results must have gone to Eamon’s head, sneered Mr Dempsey. He recently called for a general election. “If that’s the best Eamon Gilmore can do after 10 years in opposition, I think that’s precisely where he should stay.”

Listening to his remarks was Fine Gael finance spokesman Kieran O’Donnell, who could be best described as gobsmacked.

When he finished, the deputy for Limerick East asked the Minister whether he would do him the courtesy of waiting for his reply.

The Minister stayed a few minutes, then rose to his feet. “Minister, are you leaving?” asked Kieran. And Noel smiled, waved his papers across at him and said “I’m off!” before scuttling out like a bold schoolboy.

Deputy O’Donnell was fuming, declaring the performance he’d just witnessed would “put Ballymagash in the shade”.

But really, what did he expect, given that the Taoiseach had been just as dismissive earlier in the morning, if not as rude and shamelessly partisan?

Petulance was the order of the day.

Biffo had paid a visit to Quikfit overnight and was fitted with a silencer in time for his latest Dáil appearance. This meant there wasn’t a repeat of the shouting of the previous day, but apart from that, there was no change in his tone and demeanour.

The Taoiseach didn’t raise his voice. But even if the volume control was working, his sullen attitude, coupled with heavy sighs and languid eye-rolling, spoke volumes. He sat like a teenager forced to put in an appearance while his parents entertained the neighbourhood bores.

He read through his statement on d’Emergency, providing no information on a plan to help resurrect the economy. It was dull, dispiriting stuff.

In the course of his speech, the Taoiseach referred to the many factors that have brought us to this sorry situation. Among them, “the unexpected rapid collapse of activity in the construction sector in Ireland”.

Unexpected? Unexpected? Where has he been for the last 18 months, apart from in the Department of Finance and latterly the Taoiseach’s office?

Then came this gem: “There is little point looking back now at how some of this might have been anticipated or avoided.”

Eamon Gilmore nearly passed out. “You’ve some neck,” he told Cowen later on.

Imagine the scene in the District Court, when some gurrier is up for a string of burglaries. His brief gets to his feet.

“Judge, there is little point in looking back now at how some of this might have been anticipated or avoided. We are where we are. My client is now prepared to meet the challenges of going straight, going forward.”

To which the beak replies: “How right you are, my good fellow. Uncuff that ruffian immediately, for he has promised to be good, going forward.”

It’s all very depressing in Leinster House at the moment. Brian Cowen repeatedly told the Opposition they were talking “rubbish”. “You listen in silence, then you hear the cackle of the hens,” he complained.

He’d know all about hens, having put all his eggs in the one basket.

He flew off to the economic summit in Davos last night.

God help the eggheads – they won’t be able to hear themselves speak with the shouts of “rubbish” coming from Biffo.