DÁIL SKETCH:LONG BEFORE his problems with "de expinses", there were fears in Leinster House that the Ceann Comhairle's world would crash down around his ears sooner rather than later.
The media, of course, would be entirely to blame.
Emergency measures were put in place and the political correspondents (complaining loudly) were removed from the building and put down the road in temporary offices. This was because their upper level rooms were deemed structurally unsound, with a very real danger that the floor would give way, landing the lot of them on top of John O'Donoghue in the office below.
The situation could not be allowed go on. How could The Bull watch his beloved Racing Channel in peace, and him haunted by the fear that Stephen Collins and David Davin Power might burst through the ceiling at any moment? As for the lovely curtains - they brought a touch of Versailles to drab Kildare Street - sure they would have been destroyed.
As it happens, the floor never did give way. But the roof still caved in on Ceann Comhairle O'Donoghue.
Leinster House is still abuzz after Tuesday's dramatic Dáil scenes. Yesterday morning, the initial shock in Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael at Eamon Gilmore's unprecedented intervention had subsided, but emotions still ran high. Then the spinning started in earnest and positions on all sides began to harden.
There was anger in Fine Gael at the clinical manner in which Gilmore took out the Ceann Comhairle. But amid all the waffle about fair play and due process, party members couldn't disguise the real reason for their annoyance: Eamon Gilmore, with perfect timing and ruthless precision, did what their leader couldn't do. He wiped Enda Kenny's eye and left Fine Gael flat-footed and floundering.
Funny, but we met Dick Spring beetling down from Leinster House yesterday afternoon. Labour's former leader threw up his hands and indicated he had only gone in to park his car. What had gone on the day before had nothing to do with him.
Just one of those coincidences, but his appearance only served as a reminder that Gilmore's devastating action on Tuesday invited favourable comparison with Dick Spring in the heyday of his riveting parliamentary clashes with Charles Haughey.
Here's another coincidence, not unrelated to the Ceann Comhairle's ceiling caving in.
The political correspondents, thanks to their tireless complaining, are now rehoused in temporary quarters in Leinster House. At the moment, they are in the process of moving in. There are crates everywhere. But a couple of the crates were already there when they arrived. As reporters worked on the O'Donoghue story and tried to ascertain his whereabouts, someone looked inside the crates. They contained high quality, glossy Christmas cards, bundles of a hundred wrapped in cellophane. There must have been at least a thousand of them - The Adoration of the Magi by Peter Paul Rubens (in aid of the National Council for the Blind) and Silent Night by Viggo Johansen (in aid of The Alzheimer's Society). Going by the printing company's website, the cost for a thousand of these cards would have been about €1,400, before VAT.
Inside? A festive message from the Ceann Comhairle and Kate Ann O'Donoghue: "Wishing you a Happy Christmas and a prosperous new year." One suspects, given his track record on de expinses front, that The Bull and Mrs Bull would not send out the same card two years in a row. But even if they wanted to recycle the large batch taking up space in the Pol Corrs room, a lot of Tippex would have to applied for the sake of accuracy.
No chance of asking the man himself yesterday, as the Ceann Comhairle, who will leave his position on Tuesday, was not taking calls and his whereabouts remained a mystery.
The Bull has now joined five llamas and two goats on Ireland's missing list of circus escapees.
But whatever happens, O'Donoghue's fate is sealed. The talk in Leinster House now centres on the identity of his successor, and on whether O'Donoghue intends to go quietly on Tuesday. Many names are in the hat for Ceann Comhairle. One Fianna Fáil backbencher rushed out to the bookies and put €100 on the Green's Trevor Sargent. (Wonder if John O'Donoghue was able to resist taking a punt on the outcome?)
Signs of life were detected from the O'Donoghue camp. Rumour now has it that a raging Bull (he feels terribly hard done by) is currently rampaging around in search of a China shop.
He could cause untold damage if he cuts loose in the Dáil, as some are predicting, when he makes his resignation speech.
As for the Government, after standing back and allowing Eamon Gilmore to rid them of their troublesome beast, Ministers and spokespersons regrouped and began to attack the Labour leader. At the same time, the Greens said John Gormley didn't reply to a letter from Gilmore asking for a meeting to discuss de expinses problem because he never got one. Faxes and pigeon holes were discussed.
The Bull's camp denied he was contacted by the Labour leader who informed him of his intentions before the Dáil sat on Tuesday. They said it was the Ceann Comhairle who did the contacting, and he asked for time to put his own case forward.
Gilmore rocked the boat. He transgressed the clubby rules of Leinster House and is now feeling the backlash from both sides of the house. It won't matter a jot with the public.
As for O'Donoghue, it is also rumoured that he might quit politics for good, so deep is his anger at what has befallen him. In that case, the O'Donoghue husband and wife team have a ready-made career to fall back on - a career in travel writing awaits.
Dear Kate Ann, we are hoping to go to Paris next month. Could you recommend a suitable hotel? Dear John, I am flying to Tahiti for the holiday of a lifetime. Could you advise of the most cost effective way to secure a luxury package?
At the moment, Lonely Planetmight be the best option.
