Having missed the Government’s much- trumpeted Spring Understatement on Tuesday, we were wholly unprepared yesterday for the buzz of excitement it has created in Leinster House.

Most deputies were too weak to make it into the chamber for Leaders' Questions. There hasn't been such a buzz in the place since traces of cocaine were found in the gents toilets next to the bar. Members of the Labour Party were so energised by their own enthusiasm they vapourised themselves. Not one of them turned up. Sinn Féin leader Gerry Adams looked across at the deserted benches and wondered where they had gone. Could the Taoiseach explain? No, he couldn't. None of Enda's business.

Labour’s man in Kerry North came in near the end of the session, carrying a sheaf of papers and looking like he meant business. Poor Arthur Spring. He waited a while as business concluded. His leader, Joan Burton, tootled around the brass rail and sat down beside the Taoiseach. Arthur perked up. Surely now he might get the call. But no. This bit was for leaders only. Arthur left. Why make this big fuss about a Spring Statement and then not allow him to make one? Most unfair.

For the rest of the day, apart from an entertaining interlude when the writ was moved for next month’s byelection in Carlow-Kilkenny, the Dáil took up where it left off on Tuesday: making statements on a statement. Hours upon hours of it.

Out with the trumpets

The Government has form here. If they keep talking about how wonderful the Coalition is they can’t walk themselves into any trouble. That’s the theory anyway. Clear the decks and big themselves up in the Dáil for days. Exactly a year ago, they did the same thing. Out with the trumpets again, the Government published its priorities for the year ahead and promptly ditched the Dáil schedule in order to brag about itself for a week.

"Statements on the Government's priorities for the year ahead" they called it. A "three-day orgy of backslapping" as Fianna Fáil's Seán Ó Feargháil­ put it. Richard Boyd-Barrett had their number. Back then, he summed up the Coalition's ridiculous charade. "Blah, blah, blah, blah, mumble, mumble. Success. What a load of bullshit." And this week, the smell of Benjy is back. Nobody in Leinster House is taking the Coalition's latest round of mutual admiration seriously.

Micheál Martin and Gerry Adams returned to the subject of Siteserv. Enda sounded annoyed at having to answer their questions – which he did, in as much as that he filled the time allotted for his replies with words. His attitude summed up the sulky reaction of his senior Ministers to the derision which greeted their spring understatement wheeze.

Why is an ungracious Opposition and media still banging on about Siteserv? Do they not realise that this week is dedicated to Selfserv? Finally, Independent TD for Kerry South, Tom Fleming, used his time as Technical Group spokesman to talk about the spring understatement.

Enda perked up a little. But not for long. “We are spending approximately 80 per cent of Dáil time this week on spring statements but, in reality, we are just regurgitating material discussed at the last budget.” Ah yes, the decks were cleared to boast about that too. “For the past six months,” said Tom, “we have underperformed dramatically, to be honest, in the delivery of what was set out in the Programme for Government, which is over four-years-old now. I would have expected better statements and responses from the Government front benches, as many important issues have been totally forgotten or remain unaddressed.”

There’s gratitude for you. Meanwhile, on RTÉ Radio, the Minister for Finance was losing his cool with broadcaster Seán O’Rourke because Seán was more interested in Siteserv than Selfserv. When O’Rourke suggested the Minister may have been less than forthcoming with information about the controversy surrounding the sale of the company by IBRC, Noonan was disgusted. “Ah now, you’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel with that one when you are talking like that. Get off the stage. RTÉ isn’t great at disclosure. You’re sitting on reports for 12 months which you haven’t published yet about the future of RTÉ.”

Big beasts of the boom

Around the same time, across the way from the Dáil chamber, two big beasts from the boom – former AIB bankers Michael Buckley and

Eugene Sheehy

, were before the banking inquiry. They were asked about their multi-million remuneration packages at the time.

“Unjustifiable” said Eugene. Mind you, even in these more straitened times, Messrs Buckley and Sheehy should be more than happy when the contents of their spring statements arrive for their banks.

It was a relief to get away from all the statements about statements when the Dáil got around to statements on the summer byelection. The Opposition was only too happy to dwell on the record of the man whose departure to Europe sparked the election.

“While I wish Commissioner Hogan well in his new position, I must say, having knocked on the doors both in Carlow and Kilkenny I was very stuck, actually, by the degree of anger and less than enthusiastic response when ever I mentioned the name of former minister Hogan” said Micheál Martin, who started laughing to himself.