DÁIL SKETCH:When Leaders' Questions ended, Biffo and the Bull shot out of the traps
LORD BIFFO and The Bull. Greyhounds they are not. But when Leaders' Questions ended yesterday afternoon, the Taoiseach and his Ceann Comhairle shot out of the traps faster than a drugged-up Master McGrath.
One minute they were in the Dáil chamber - the next they were gone. The last time such a turn of speed was witnessed from Brian Cowen, he was playing under-21 football for Offaly.
As for Ceann Comhairle O'Donoghue, he was moving so fast that his ceremonial gown was a full second behind him by the time he reached the opening bend. A Government jet to catch, it seems. And thence to Limerick, for the official opening of Thomond Park, followed by the All Blacks versus Munster.
It's a hard auld station, top level politics. This isn't the first time the Taoiseach has flown to an engagement which coincided with a rugby match. He had the good fortune to meet the Welsh first minister in Cardiff on the same day as the Heineken cup final.
That's called "serendipity". Something which Cowen hasn't had much of since he took over from Bertie Ahern, who is the most serendipitous of them all.
The jet was heaving with ministerial passengers for the trip to Limerick. In these difficult times, it makes economic sense to fill the plane. The passenger list included the Taoiseach, the Ceann Comhairle, local Minister Willie O'Dea, Minister for Education Batt O'Keeffe and Minister for Sport Martin Cullen.
Some people might ask why the politicians didn't travel by road to the Treaty City for the match, sorry, official opening. Maybe the Taoiseach, who had a telephone conversation with Barack Obama last evening, decided it was best to conduct their historic first discussion while aboard Ireland's Eitleán a hAon - just to show the president-elect that he wasn't dealing with muck.
No, a trip by road wouldn't have been possible, as the Taoiseach had to take Leaders' Questions late in the afternoon and wouldn't have been out of Leinster House until teatime.
The State car would have needed wings to get to Limerick in time for the kick-off. Like the one in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Which brings us neatly to Declan Ganley. Now there's a man who has the look of a greyhound about him. The founder of Libertas is lean and sleek and capable of a nimble turn of phrase in a tight corner. He livened up a dull morning in Kildare Street when he appeared before the Oireachtas subcommittee on Ireland's future in Europe.
Ganley's legs went from under him on a few tight bends when he was questioned by a spirited group of mainly pro-Lisbon deputies and Senators.
His assertion during the referendum campaign that ratification of the treaty could lead to the forcible detention of three-year-olds came under heavy scrutiny. The Libertas chairman had great difficulty justifying what he said, and finally, he complained he had been misquoted.
Unfortunately for him, TV3 was more than happy to replay the relevant quote on its news bulletins yesterday.
Fine Gael's Lucinda Creighton spoke witheringly of his " Chitty Chitty Bang Bangscenario, with the childcatcher going out and capturing children on the streets of Europe". As the committee pushed Mr Ganley into supporting his statement about the detention of the children, the businessman struggled to come up with an explanation. He fell back on his argument that establishment politicians are bad losers. The treaty was not passed by the Irish electorate and that's that. Don't look for a rerun. "Even if you don't like it, that's just too bad. Tough. You lost. Get over it."
The most alarming episode of the morning was supplied by Senator Ronan Mullan, who shocked the committee room with his opening remarks. Fixing Ganley with a smile, he declared many members of the committee "enjoy a certain intimacy with you!" Beverly Flynn nearly fell off her chair. Jaws thudded towards the floor. Journalists woke up.
"We see you last thing at night and first thing in the morning!" trilled the Senator, as ushers rushed outside for smelling salts and Ganley looked on, agog.
"A privilege previously only enjoyed by your wife, I presume!" Beverley went pale. Labour's Joe Costello went green. Fianna Fáil's Timmy Dooley blushed.
Ronan was making a little joke. He was referring to the fact that Ganley featured in a late night RTÉ interview on Monday, before appearing before the committee early yesterday morning. But with all Ganley's non-specific talk of visions, it was Sen Mullan's vision that stuck in the mind.
After lunch it was business as usual in the Dáil. The Opposition wondered why the Government wasn't acting faster to recapitalise the banks. Brian Cowen repeated that the Government was working hard to assist people in business.
"We are doing all we can to assist Irish businesses," he said, adding "There are things I can't discuss this evening." Maybe it was the prospect of some time off at a rugby match. As soon as he got the chance, he high-tailed it for Limerick.
