Where do Italian professional footballers or former Miss Belgiums go when their careers have peaked? Strange as it may seem, the answer these days appears to be the newly most trendy of social clubs, the European Parliament. The only problem, like most exclusive clubs, is getting past the grilling by the membership committee, in this case 295 million-strong.
For Europe's political parties of every persuasion, in a desperate attempt to make the parliament appear glamorous, have succumbed to a most virulent dose of "celebrityitis".
On the Italian lists alone there are four ex-pro footballers including World Cup winner Paolo Rossi, now playing on the right wing for Alleanza Nationale (and hence probably for Fianna Fail's group in the new parliament). Italy also has a basketball champion, two beauties in a former Miss Italy and Gina Lollobrigida, a mountain climber, a cyclist, two singers, a philosopher, and two film director/producers.
Not to mention a Moroccan writer living in France, Tahar ben Jalloun, and famous anti-Mafia judge, Antonio di Pietro. Italy also takes the biscuit for the nastiest candidate in Europe. Standing as an independent is Giovanni di Stefano, a deputy commander of the notorious Serb paramilitary organisation led by Arkan, responsible for many of the atrocities in Bosnia and now Kosovo.
Music and the stage are well represented: although Nana Mouskouri is retiring there are plenty of singers in the running to take her place, including Dana Rosemary Scallon. The Scot Nats have put up a celebrated traditional singer, Dr Anne Lorn Gillies, there's the appropriately named Finn, Tino Singh, and Denmark's folk musician, Arne Wurgler, Jose Antonio Labordeta from Spain, and Jean Ferrat from France.
Former EastEnders gay actor, Michael Cashman, and Denmark's Irish-based film and theatre star, Jens Okking, are likely to be also joined by two or three professional dancers.
Then there's the man who first identified the AIDS virus, only to have credit stolen by the US, Prof Luc Montagnier, and France is also putting up an astronaut and two other famous scientists.
There are not a few writers on the lists, and some journalists, including the current editor of Cosmopolitan, Marcelle d'Argy Smith, hoping, no doubt, to swap the world's most despised profession for its rival for the title. The Finns are putting up racing driver, Ari Vatanen, an ice hockey coach and a dancer. Portugal's Nobel Prize-winning writer, Jose Samarago, is a candidate, as are a philosopher and the former president, Mario Soares. Luxembourg's celebrated offering is just the outgoing President of the European Commission, Mr Jacques Santer.
And you thought Ming was a colourful candidate?
