Are you a gleek? Is that a vuvuzela in your pocket? Then join the Tea Party, order a pill-latte and get ready for a shellacking, as we round up the top words, phrases, clichés and Cowenisms of 2010
VUVUZELA
What’s this? A new country has qualified for the 2010 World Cup? Vuvuzela – is that near Honduras? The sound of last summer came from a long, skinny plastic yoke that emitted an irritating noise not unlike a duck being attacked by a swarm of bees. Repeated exposure to the sound has been known to turn sane people into raving loonies, so if your partner seemed frazzled when he/she got back from South Africa, it wasn’t the drinking – it was a severe attack of déjà vuvu.
Of course, South African football fans are used to it by now, but now the honking genie has been let out of the bottle, expect the vuvuzela to replace hooliganism and alleged corruption as the scourge of the tournament.
AUSTERITY
It’s a Dickensian word that suits our straitened situation – forced against our collective will to endure harsh economic cutbacks. No one chooses to be austere – it’s usually imposed on them by some stingy authority figure. Bob Cratchett is austere – he has no other choice, unless his boss has some sort of last-minute change of heart. Alas, there’s little hope of our real-life Scrooges being visited by the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future anytime soon.
BAILOUT
This has proven quite a resilient word, eminently adaptable to our ever-worsening economy. Before, it applied to the Irish banks, when the Government moved in to bail them out. But now, the bailers have become the bailees, as the IMF moves to give the entire country a dig-out.
Eventually, someone will have to bail out the IMF, and not long after that we’ll have to apply to the Martians for a planet Earth bailout.
ENTER A FACILITY
When the world, his granny and the dogs in the street were buzzing with the news that the IMF was about to take over the running of our economy, Brian Cowen vehemently denied that the Government had thrown in the towel and checked Ireland into Euro rehab. “We have not applied to enter a facility,” said the Taoiseach.
CONTAGION
Back in the Dark Ages, when the Black Death spread across the land, folk marched up and down villages ringing bells to warn of the impending plague. Now, financial markets are ringing to the cries of “unclean unclean”, as the rest of Europe tries to quarantine the Irish economy and prevent it from putting a pox on the whole system. So, next time you’re in a bar in Berlin, and the barman refused to accept any euro coin with a harp on it, you’ll know what it feels to be an economic leper.
THUNDERSNOW
They’ve been scrabbling for portmanteau words to describe the severe weather experienced around the globe this past month. “Snowpocalypse”, “snowmageddon”, “cat-ice-trophe” – make one up yourself. In Ireland, we experienced a rare phenomenon for which there is an actual word.
Thundersnow describes snowfall that’s accompanied by thunder. The thunder is particularly low and rumbling, muffled by the snow, and the attendant lightning is diffuse, obscured by the snowclouds and freezing fog. Still, brrrr.
WE ARE WHERE WE ARE
Twenty-ten gave us a bumper harvest of Cowenisms, as the Taoiseach sought refuge behind increasingly obfuscating jargon. We’ve heard his dream of “fiscal stability” many times, and his entreaties to tighten our belts “going forward”. You have to give Cowen his due: he’s good at trotting out the middle-management clichés, even when feeling a little “congested” after a hard night’s brainstorming. His most enduring catchphrase, however, will probably be “we are where we are”, which, as musical comedian Paddy Cullivan puts it, neatly gets everyone responsible for the crisis off the hook.
TEA PARTY
The Republicans got their asses roundly kicked in the last US election, but that didn’t stop them believing they were right and everyone else was wrong. So they quickly adopted the stance of a suppressed silent majority who represented the true voice of the United States, and not that godless liberal cabal that somehow managed to hijack the White House. They also conjured up an amorphous entity known as the Tea Party, a so-called grassroots movement dedicated to restoring all-American values of bigotry and xenophobia. They adopted Sarah Palin as their spiritual leader/ totem/mascot/pin-up, but to anyone outside this Republican wonderland, it seems this
Tea Party is overcrowded with Mad Hatters.
SHELLACKING
How quickly things change. In 2009, the US was gripped by Obamania. Now, it’s mired in what David Letterman coined “Obama-mess”. The US president has survived grilling, roasting and lambasting, but even he had to admit defeat when subjected to the industrial-strength “shellacking” he got at the congressional elections. But the Tea Party crowd had better beware – Obama’s newly acquired coating of shellac may make him an even tougher nut to crack.
GATE RAPE
Air travellers in the US are getting an added service – a full-body massage on their way to the departure gates. But this isn’t some pre-flight pampering, and it rarely has a ‘happy ending’. Americans are calling it “gate rape” – being subjected to an intrusive, full body search by a burly member of the dreaded Transportation Security Administration. If you complain, then you’re on the side of the terrorists, so better just relax and take your groping. We just wish they’d at least write or call afterwards.
MABY
2009 was the year of SuBo; this year almost belonged to another middle-aged woman from "the regions" with a big voice. Step forward, Maby. It doesn't look as if X Factorcontestant Mary Byrne from Ballyfermot will equal the global success of Britain's Got Talentstar Susan Boyle – and her "gangsta" moniker sure won't stick. Still, it wasn't much worse than the character dreamed up by Harry Hill's TV Burp:"Wagbo" – the love-child of Mary and fellow contestant Wagner.
DOUBLE DIP
Fate is a cruel mistress – but not as cruel as the fickle caprices of the financial markets. Just when we thought we were coming out of recession, we discover it’s just a temporary recovery, a short breathing space before we sink back down into the monetary mire. In September, Brian Lenihan vehemently denied that Ireland was headed into a double-dip recession, after Ireland recorded a second quarter drop in output of 1.2 per cent.
NONTROVERSY
It was shocking news that had the nation gripped. A major public figure was being accused of political chicanery, rigging votes so that their chosen candidate would go forward. Yes, the X Factor was once again headline news, taking the spotlight off the Government and providing a smokescreen for them to sneak a few IMF officials in the back door. It’s an old trick: pick a “nontroversy” and push it to the top of the news agenda, leaving the more important issues under the radar. So now you know why Gerry Ryan’s lifestyle is all over the front pages, and not the lifestyles of the property developers under Nama.
GLEEKS
In 2010, one TV show ruled them all – Mad Men. But for younger viewers, the only show in town was Glee, the high-school drama featuring smarmy teens singing at each other. The show has commanded a massive following of "gleeks", and record companies are rubbing their hands in glee at the huge spike in sales generated by the show's musical set-pieces. There's plenty in Gleeto shock grown-ups: teenage pregnancy, gay teenage sex, terrible teenage renditions of Beatles songs, but rock dinosaurs Journey for one are delighted – since the show started, their classic power ballad Don't Stop Believin'has caught on faster than spots.
THINK-IN
It was a lexicographic disaster waiting to happen. In the good old days, political parties simply had their ardfheis, and all was well with the world.
But now, they have “think-ins”, where they “tweet” each other on their “iPads” and get completely off their “Facebooks”. The Fianna Fáil think-in didn’t result in any great brainwaves, but it did make An Taoiseach think again about giving a radio interview when he’s feeling a little hoarse.
REFUDIATE
George W Bush left a fine legacy of linguistic howlers for the entertainment of future generations. Sarah Palin is carrying on this fine Republican tradition by coming up with some of the best malapropisms and mixed metaphors in politics.
Her finest moment (so far), came when she urged Muslims to “refudiate” plans for a mosque near the site of the 9/11 attacks. But wait. Is this not a great neologism, blending the words “refute” and “repudiate” to create a word with greater punch? Like that great Bushism, “misunderestimate”, it’s illogically logical.
WIKILEAKS
The US was attacked from an unexpected front this year, when the whistle-blowing website run by Julian Assange released details of secret cables from US embassies which contained some embarrassing revelations, such as the Americans think Sarkozy is a bossy little git. But now the Wikileaks boss is facing sexual assault charges in Sweden – critics say he has a case to answer, supporters say it’s political Assangination.
PILL-LATTES
It’s the latest exercise craze for desperate housewives, according to Urban Dictionary, but it can help any stress-bunny make it through the day with a hop, skip and a jump. Basically, it entails necking loads of painkillers and washing them down with nice, frothy lattes – guaranteed to make everything seem bright and breezy.
EYJAFJALLAJÖKULL
It’s the most difficult-to-pronounce word on the list, but that’s nothing compared to the difficulty travellers had getting flights after the Icelandic volcano started spewing plumes into European airspace.
Flights were grounded amid fears that the ash would clog up engines and bring airliners down. The volcano caused the worst flight disruptions since 9/11, but thankfully that’s where the comparisons ended.
SHELF ESTEEM
Once, we measured their self-worth by our friends, family ties and links to the community. Now, we look at the number of self-help books we’ve bought during the year. If your book shelves are groaning under the weight of self- help books, you might need to start getting a real life in 2011. Join Facebook or something.
OSCAR NAMANATION
This one’s my own. Given to the property developers who are best at acting poor or destitute.
