SMALL PRINT:WHAT'S THAT noise? Well, it may not be what you think. Prepare to distrust every noise you ever hear for the rest of your life.

According to humansinvent.com, some everyday noises we’re used to are really fabricated products of engineering to help us during simple tasks.

The “car door clunk”, that satisfying deep slamming noise when you close the door of your vehicle, is actually the product of a dampener installed in the cavity of the door to emit a low-frequency sound when slammed instead of what should be a rattle. Apparently, a stronger clunking sound means we believe the vehicle to be solid.

The whirring sound you hear when your cash is about to pop out of an ATM is also, apparently, another fake one. It comes from a small speaker just to let you know your money is on its way. So no, it’s not the sound of your dosh being counted, or a signifier that there is in fact money left in your account, or the noise your notes make when they’re winging their way along some magic conveyor belt of rollers à la Willy Wonka the Chocolate Factory. According to HumansInvent, it’s a fake. That’s hard to believe, and may require some more scientific research.

And no, your electric car isn’t as butch as you think it is. Left alone, electric vehicles would just glide along unheard by other traffic or pedestrians. But engineers put in “vrooming” noises to let other people know the car is coming your way. The Nissan Leaf has a speaker under the bonnet that makes engine noises. It’s basically a take on making some motorbikes purposefully loud so the drivers can pretend to be king of the road.

How else are we being lied to? Is the petrol pump noise fake? The blinking sound of flickering tube lighting? Are the crowd noises in Croke Park we hear on TV artificially generated or beefed up, like in some US stadiums? Does our laptop really need to make that “going to sleep now” shutting down noise when we close it up? We’ve been living a lie.