Imagine, if you will, the love-struck Arizonian down on one knee clutching the hand of the love of his life. He says: "Will ya do me the hona of bein' ma waf?" After a discrete pause (because she has been expecting the question but doesn't want him to know that) she replies: "Just marry? Or really, really marry?" And, full of the certainty that we all shared at that moment that this would be for ever, and out of a terrible fear of her Bible-thumping Pa, he says: "Really, really marry."
Arizona, along with Louisiana and now Arkansas, are the three US states which have embraced a new form of matrimony. In an effort to cut the divorce rate couples are now offered two alternative forms - the traditional, easily-signed up to, and just as easily discarded; or another in which the happy couple agrees in advance to submit to a divorce regime with as many hurdles as a Marine obstacle course.
From the country that refined the prenuptial agreement, building a divorce agreement into the very fabric of a marriage, comes the conservative counter-revolution - the "covenant marriage", a form of contract being championed by many of the country's evangelical Protestant churches. Not, you will not be surprised to hear, by the Catholic Church which insists that any form of marriage over which it presides is forever.
The newly-enacted covenant marriage law in Arkansas voluntarily pledges couples to marry for life and to get marital counselling if they have difficulties. Divorces may be granted only in special cases, including adultery, the committing of a felony, or physical or sexual abuse, and take two years to be made absolute. The law does away with the most common form of divorce based on "irreconcilable differences".
The idea has still not taken off. Only 3 per cent of couples in Louisiana have chosen a covenant marriage since that state enacted legislation in 1997, but other states are considering this and other anti-divorce legislation.
That there is a problem is beyond doubt. About 43 per cent of first marriages fail within 15 years and 39 per cent of second marriages fail within 10 years, according to a May 2001 report issued by the National Center for Health Statistics. Nearly half of marriages in which the bride is 18 years old or younger end in separation or divorce within 10 years.
In 1968, before California introduced the first of the no-fault divorce laws, the annual divorce rate stood at 2.9 per 1,000 Americans. By 1998 it had risen to 4.2 per 1,000, well over a million a year.
In 1999, Governor Mike Huckabee of Arkansas, warning of evidence that divorce forces too many women and children into poverty, declared a "marital emergency" and vowed to halve the divorce rate by 2010. He joined the movement for covenant marriages that has seen over 100 communities adopt a Community Marriage Covenant since the first was signed in Modesto, California, in 1986.
Such voluntary policies are organised by local clergy, who agree to marry only couples who have gone through counselling and to establish marriage mentors within their congregations. Since then, Modesto's divorce rate has decreased 47.6 per cent, according to Mr Michael McManus, founder of the Community Marriage Covenant and Marriage Savers, an organisation to promote and teach marriage education. He believes that the success of the marriage education movement rests with the clergy because three quarters of couples still get married under religious auspices.
In Florida in 1997 a group of Republicans, backed by the Christian Coalition tried to remove no fault divorce from the statute book and to require the "guilty" party to contribute 20 per cent more to the costs of child upkeep. They were unsuccessful but the state agreed the Marriage Preparation and Preservation Act - the first of its kind - which requires high-school students to take special marriage preparation classes and gives couples who take such courses discounts on their marriage license. Those who don't, have to wait at least three days for the wedding.
The Act also requires divorcing couples with children to take a "parent education and family stabilisation course", covering conflict resolution, the legal and emotional impact of divorce, and the couple's financial responsibilities.
In Oklahoma, Governor Frank Keating has described divorce as one of the main causes of poverty in his state and he has pledged $10 million in federal welfare funding to a campaign to cut the divorce rate by a third in 10 years.
This is the land of instant gratification, instant coffee, instant marriage and instant divorce. Slowing the process down and requiring people to pause for reflection may well have some marginal effect, although the evidence is yet too sketchy to tell. The reality is, studies show, that those who sign up to covenant marriages tend to be richer and more committed to their church and bring fewer problems to the marriage. Not surprisingly the outcome tends to be more stable marriages.
Critics say the problem is only partly internal to the marriage; it results largely from the changing nature of society - women are more independent and less willing to put up with abuse or neglect. Single parenthood is less stigmatised than it used to be. Society is more atomised. Marriage itself is less appealing and, many say, less necessary. The number of Americans living together is more than 11 million, a tenfold increase between 1960 and 1998.
Our fictional Arizonian is as likely as ever to slip out the door when he feels the time has come for a new model.
psmyth@irish-times.ie
