BY THE time she was eight, Niamh had dropped out of ballet, piano lessons, tap dancing, Irish dancing, gymnastics (after just one lesson), drama, and Brownies.
Her speciality was to beg for lessons after picking up a new interest from a friend and to lose interest as soon as the new outfit had been bought and the money for the first term handed over.
Her mother cajoled, urged, and insisted, but once Niamh lost interest, that was usually that. Seven times bitten, her mum's attitude hardened. Niamh's unfortunate younger brothers and sisters had to more or less sign five year contracts before their mother would sign them up for anything.
Many parents, whatever their income level, want to provide their children with opportunities to learn skills and develop interests outside of school. Lectures about the over stressed lives of modern children fall on deaf ears we feel guilty if they aren't signed up for something.
But how do you choose the best activities for your child? When is a good thing too much? How much should you push when a child wants to drop out? And if you don't have that much money, or time, what's the best thing to do?
Andrew Conway, senior psychologist at the Mater Child Guidance Clinic, makes a robust defence of out of school activities, especially sports, which enhance children's social skills. "I think kids have an awful lot of free time on their hands, which lead to problems in our society. Kids are bored, and if they're bored they'll look for kicks, and we know how they find those. Young people won't use their time judiciously, they will laze in front of the TV."
There is a place for that in children's lives, he adds, but he doesn't favour leaving youngsters to their own devices, either. The main thing, he feels, is to think things through before writing out the cheque.
He says that you should ask what is the goal of this activity? And he reckons that for boys, anyway, you can't lose with sport. Most boys are into sport, it's healthy, teaches those all important social skills, can help kids forge lifelong friendships, and need not necessarily cost that much. "GAA and soccer clubs provide a wonderful service for kids, often for Just £1 on a Saturday afternoon.
As a family, you should review what you're doing, says Conway sit down and look at the cost of your children's after school activies (which can easily run into hundreds of pounds a year), the number of hours they spend on them, the number of hours you spend collecting and delivering them, and decide whether it really is worth it. And if your child actively hates the activity, you should stop.
Fionnuala Kilfeather, president of the National Parents' Council Primary, thinks there are two important principles to guide parents one is that you shouldn't cram your child's waking hours with structured activities that deprive them of free time, time to read, to talk to parents, maybe to help do things around the house, like cooking. The other principle is that your child should have some say in what he/she will do in spare time, should be involved in the decision.
If you haven't got much money, there are still plenty of opportunities, she believes. "You should look first at what your parish, or your community offers many have plenty of social activities and hobbies for children."
Norah Gibbons, senior social worker with Barnardo's National Children's Resource Centre, says that up to the age of six, children need free time to play, by themselves or with you, and they don't need structured activities.
AFTER that age, Norah Gibbons says you should select an activity in consultation with your child that will help to enhance their natural ability. But once they've sampled it and made a choice, parents shouldn't like Niamh's mother let them opt out too easily. "You have to help them get over `the wall', if they don't like it too much at first. You're not helping them to make better choices if you let them drop out too easily."
Irish parents have fairly traditional tastes in selecting hobbies for their children piano lessons, for example, are still incredibly popular, and teachers like Amanda Breen, in Sandycove, Co Dublin, find their services are always in demand. She teaches children how to play for pleasure, and not to pass exams. Ironically, she is one of those people who as a child was pushed into doing exams "and hated it".
Deirdre Smith has been teaching ballet for 28 years. She agrees that children today are often "chased into far too many things they'll come to me, far too exhausted, from something else". Swimming teacher Sarah Glynn says that demand is always high for lessons, falling a little only in cold weather. It has the extra benefit, over other sports, of teaching water safety therefore, even children who are afraid of water can benefit from swimming lessons. But parents can be pushy and will wade in to tell swimming teachers "my child's ready for the deep end". She believes that the right age for starting swimming lessons is three or four.
If you enrolled your child in all three activities it would set you back by over £300 a year. But if you can't afford such lessons, or as a working couple don't have the time to arrange them, don't worry. All the experts agree that time with you perhaps in some healthy outdoor pursuit is more important than any other after school activity.
And if it comes to a choice between a family activity and an extracurricular activity, there's no contest the family activity should always come first.
