The Taoiseach's former life partner put tribunal woes behind her to torment a few journalists and give some insights into 'Brand Bertie' in Adare, Co Limerick
TWO LARGE piles of complimentary newspapers rested on the reception desk yesterday at the Woodlands House Hotel in Adare. "Celia faces tax probe over €30,000 house 'loan'" screamed the front-page splash.
But Celia Larkin, "highly regarded image consultant and personal branding consultant", was in no mood to talk about the personal branding implied in the headline or the effect it might have on her image.
She refused to consult on the matter.
Ms Larkin was the main speaker of the morning at a one-day Personal and Business Branding Workshop, hosted by the Limerick County Enterprise Board and aimed at women in business. Sixty women had signed up to hear her insights on the subject, lunch included.
A handful of journalists paid their €20 registration fee too, although they came in search of a different set of insights from the Taoiseach's former life partner.
Namely, what are the facts behind Bertie Ahern's astonishing Mahon tribunal revelation that Celia emerged from their relationship with sole ownership of a fine house in Dublin, financed by an undocumented loan of £30,000 from Fianna Fáil funds? And can she remember any more details of their joint financial dealings when he was minister for finance? Given that the combined might of the Mahon tribunal had severe difficulty making much headway in either department, it was highly unlikely that a handful of curious hacks were going to be treated to any further explanation. Which, predictably, turned out to be the case.
Nonetheless, the exercise was not a fruitless one. The morning yielded a fascinating glimpse into why "Brand Bertie" has been such a runaway success. It was impossible to come away from the event without thinking that Ms Larkin played a very significant role in making "Brand Bertie" work.
Celia drove her 08-registered Mercedes into the hotel car park at half past nine. As she walked towards the building, she received a call on her mobile phone, looked across and saw the small knot of waiting journalists. Whereupon she returned to the car and removed her coat, thus allowing the thrilled cameramen to photograph her in her exquisite beige fitted suit as she made her way to the front door.
A radio reporter fired questions about the controversial Dublin house and possible tax implications, but Celia kept her head bowed, continued walking and said nothing. The reporter filed his story, his voice interspersed with the loud clickety-clack of her heels.
Celia looked fabulous, every inch the successful businesswoman in her chic designer suit and elegant shoes.
Her audience of businesswomen gave her a warm welcome. She was introduced as "a lady well known for her entrepreneurial skills" and the owner of three beauty salons. Celia said she intended to talk about "personal branding". She spied the journalists in the back row and, cooler than a cucumber in an eskimo's fridge, she smiled down in recognition.
"A strong personal brand is of vital importance - it takes control of the process of how others perceive you," she counselled. "It is much better to take control, as it places you in a strong leadership position and helps you increase your earning potential."
The businesswomen scribbled away; the reporters' notebooks nearly went up in flames.
Creating a brand requires a mix of elements, including excellence, visibility, lifestyle, leadership, personality, persistence and goodwill, she said. Find your niche and specialise in it.
As she spoke, Celia walked up and down the main aisle of the hotel ballroom. She stopped near the back row and turned to the journalists.
"Now, Miriam," dripped Bertie's former life partner, who has been coming in for a ferocious amount of stick from this column, "how do you specialise?"
The obvious answer, were one as together as Celia, would be to reply "by writing about the Mahon tribunal, unexplained large sums of cash, Bertie Ahern and your part in the story". But we muttered politely about writing colour for The Irish Times.
Celia spun on heels and told the ladies that "Miriam specialises as a colour writer within a newspaper". (Just like in the tribunal, Celia makes a big thing about first names.) Miriam, she pointed out, is an excellent example of branding.
However, she went on to cruelly dash my hopes of getting a start on the Wall Street Journal by declaring that, were I to "write in a serious way about economics and business", I would "dilute the brand".
These were real Bertie Ahern tactics. He is notorious for the way he seeks out journalists who have just written the most awful stuff about him and being mortifyingly nice to them.
But then, in the words of Celia, "when somebody complains, it is how you deal with the complaint that matters". Goodwill is important too. She also stressed that "good judgment" is vital - unfortunately, it went out the window with Bertie when he took cash from private sources for his personal use when in ministerial office.
The famously closed Drumcondra Mafia came to mind when she advised her audience that it is not necessary to be famous, or have wide appeal, when developing a brand. "Just keep it within a small domain," she said. "Keep it tight." The similarities with "Brand Bertie" and the woman behind "Beauty at Blue Door" just kept coming.
Crow over your achievements, be professional, increase your visibility, your popularity and your earning potential. Two people might do the same job, but everyone automatically assumes that the one they see more is doing a better job.
And remember, ladies, "every penny counts". (And in no time at all, you too could be lodging large amounts in the bank.) Be distinctive - it could be the way you look, or the way you speak. Like Madonna, remarked Celia, or Cilla Black.
Or Bertie Ahern, we thought.
Sometimes, though, it is hard to follow the rules. "Avoid confusion by keeping it simple," declared Celia. She obviously didn't pass that one on to You Know Who.
It was quite the strangest morning, as an unfazed Ms Larkin questioned this reluctant journalist and RTÉ's Cathy Halloran time and again about their jobs. She was clearly enjoying herself, although the same can't be said for the one man in the audience, a young reporter from the Irish Independent doing his best to melt into the carpet at the top of the room.
Her motivational spiel is very good: all buzzwords and the blindingly obvious, but delivered with confidence and panache. As the relieved Indo man pointed out afterwards, he could apply the same principles to his football team.
When it was all over, the woman at the centre of a tribunal storm walked back to her car, tight-lipped, refusing to return the favour by answering the questions of those she had questioned earlier.
Should Celia Larkin ever consider closing down Beauty at Blue Door, she has a great career ahead of herself in Bluster at Brass Neck.
Excuse the language, but the lady had more balls than the entire Fianna Fáil parliamentary party.
How on earth is Bertie managing without her?
