No ribbon. No plaque. No speech. No talk.
But there was a concept.
That'll do.
Look at it from Bertie's side of things. Consumption is running ahead of productivity. He's on top of the job. Opened everything, unveiled everything. People can't keep up with him. But the Taoiseach has to keep going. The photographers must be satisfied. So he pitched up on the seafront in Dublin's Clontarf at lunchtime, to lend his support to a project which hasn't come to completion. Never mind that.
Bertie is on such a roll, he has passed himself, eh, going forward. It had to happen. He arrived to "announce support" for the Sutton to Sandycove (S2S) seafront promenade and cycleway project. An admirable undertaking, which aims to form a continuous route for walkers and cyclists around the 22km seafront of Dublin bay.
Environment Minister Dick Roche is very enthusiastic about it all. In fact, he can see the route eventually joining up with the Wicklow Way, which would be a hell of a long walk, but a dream for serious cyclists.
Dick was mad to get on a bicycle to mark the celebration of the concept. He was hoping his boss might do the same. To this end, a tandem was procured from the UCD bicycle shop, and it was parked on the seafront yesterday to tantalise the waiting photographers.
But early on, things weren't looking good. The Taoiseach was late. In the meantime, word went out to the snappers: "Bertie doesn't do hats." While this may come as a relief to milliner Philip Treacy, it went over our heads. Until it was explained that Bertie would not be photographed wearing a cycle helmet. Apparently, he has had bad experiences with headgear coming back to haunt him when pictures of him are recycled in the papers.
A long press release was distributed to mark the occasion of the Taoiseach and Minister's support for the project. Bertie's thoughts on the desirability of the promenade/cycleway were ventilated in full.
"Dublin Bay is a marvellous amenity that would be the envy of any capital city," it began, with the Taoiseach saying how "a number of individuals, private citizens, developed a vision. They saw the potential that could be unlocked by upgrading and joining up the various existing stretches of walkways and cyclepaths around the bay to form a continuous, integrated, 22km long promenade and cycleway, of a consistently high standard." There's no arguing with that. "If achieved" it would constitute one of the longest, if not the longest, urban seafront promenades in Europe, virtually level for its entire length.
"Conceptually, this is a highly desirable project," said Bertie in the press release. But he didn't want to talk about it when he got to Clontarf. Still, there was always the tandem, ready and waiting for the conceptual ride.
Dick Roche was beside himself at the idea of getting on a tandem with Bertie. So were the photographers. As soon as the Taoiseach arrived, it became clear that he had no intention of doing it. In fact, he had little intention of doing anything, apart from giving his full blessing to the initiative, which was the brainchild of Michael Collins, Cyril Forbes and Bertie's pal David Byrne, former EU commissioner. Under pressure from reporters, he eventually said a few words about the peace process.
After that, the most he did was caress the handlebars and point into the distance, while poor Dick sighed and looked longingly at the saddle. To keep his Minister happy, the Taoiseach sat on the sea wall beside him and posed for a picture while a man on a bike cycled by them for the cameras.
"Fair play to ya!" shouted Bertie, as he wobbled past.
He seemed to be in bad form, but didn't stick around for anyone to ask him why.
When will the cycleway be finished, Minister Dick was asked. He wasn't sure. And how much will it cost? "Oh, tens of millions." No doubt Bertie will be there to open it when it happens. Hope he's in better humour then.
