It’s the Father Ted character Mrs Doyle who uttered the immortal words, “Maybe I like the misery”. She – played to perfection by Pauline McLynn – was responding to a suggestion that she invest in a Tea Master gadget, whose very existence threatened to put her out of a job at the parochial house on Craggy Island.
“Maybe I like the misery” has become the rallying cry for those pursuits where there is an easier, quicker solution, but one chooses the more difficult route in an act of self-flagellation. We Irish are very good at it, and I’ve been guilty of it myself for a long time on one topic in particular: learning to drive in a manual car.
I’ve been driving for more than 20 years and, for most of that time, I’ve considered manual driving the only acceptable form. I’d hear of people doing their test in an automatic and think: Well, they’d be first to go in the zombie apocalypse; more water and weapons for the rest of us. I thought that without going through the hardship of finding that biting point or doing a manual hill start, you hadn’t paid your dues to the driving fellowship.
What was behind my “Maybe I like the misery” approach to other people’s driving? Maybe because I had to suffer through “accelerator, brake, clutch”, it meant everyone had to. And, oh, how I suffered. When I was learning to drive, my poor, long-suffering father told me, “Once you can drive one car competently, you’ll be able to drive any car at all”. I remember thinking that the aul man had gone doddery prematurely. I could barely get to grips with his Nissan Almera. I was never getting behind the wheels of another automobile as long as I lived.
I finally realised what was behind my ‘Maybe I like the misery’ approach to other people’s driving
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He was right, of course. And the ability to drive any car at all is probably what has perpetuated the push to learn in a manual in Ireland. The market has been dominated by “stick shifts”, as the Americans would say, for decades. Imagine landing down to some place in the country and being asked to move a car, only to have to admit you only drive automatic. There are fellas who’d sooner try to move their car with a rope between their teeth.
Times, thanks be to God, are a-changing though. Even I’ve softened my position.
I spent Christmas in Tenerife. Having visited the north of the island before and struggled up the mountainous terrain in a wheelbarrow masquerading as a manual rental car, I treated myself to a hybrid automatic. It’s been a few years since I’ve driven one, so I was a little apprehensive. Until I got into the car and remembered that it’s basically just “go” and “stop”. When I got back into my own jalopy a week later in Dublin Airport. I felt like I was returning to a horse and cart.
I drove all over southwest Kentucky and bits of Tennessee and Illinois on the days Sheloa worked. What a beautiful introduction to automatic driving
I learned how to drive an automatic transmission in Kentucky 15 years ago. My dear friend Sheloa taught me while I was visiting her in Paducah, Kentucky, where she had spent part of her childhood. Paducah is a town best known for its beautiful waterside walks at the confluence of the Tennessee and Ohio rivers, its National Quilt and the 1997 Heath High School shooting. I visited in December and because in my head Kentucky is in “The South” I assumed it would be warm. Well, I had never felt cold like it. Or felt more welcome, or had worse hangovers, or seen a place with more churches than Ireland. Sheloa’s car was a beautiful vintage BMW, and in an afternoon she taught me the ins and outs - drive, park and neutral - and the honour system rules of a four-way stop. I drove all over southwest Kentucky and bits of Tennessee and Illinois on the days Sheloa worked. What a beautiful introduction to automatic driving.
I still appreciate the many benefits of being able to “drive stick”. For one thing, you might some day be able to impress an American with your abilities. There are also more manual options and affordability on the car sale and rental market. But there’s no getting around the fact that learning is difficult and can be borderline traumatic. Automatic is quicker to learn, reduces stress and is also the go-to option for some drivers with disabilities. Besides, it just makes sense in a world where all electric and hybrid vehicles are automatic.
So, if you want to ditch the notion of the gearstick, go ahead, I’ll allow it. You could say I’m … neutral on the topic. Sorry.
