Go Cruise:A cruise around the warm waters of the Caribbean is the perfect antidote to Ireland's woes. And you might get it for a song, writes MICHAEL PARSONS
THERE ARE worse ways to spend a winter’s morning than sailing due south through a turquoise sea past the Bahamas and Cuba. The names on the map are thrillingly exotic: Crooked Island Passage; Hogsty Reef; Guantánamo; Turks and Caicos Islands.
A Caribbean cruise is supposedly the stuff of Lotto-winning fantasy and a favourite pastime of the idle super-rich. But the reality is a long way from ageing dowager duchesses with Louis Vuitton trunks and snake-hipped valets in tow. There were scores of ordinary people aboard Fred. Olsen Cruise Line’s ship MS Braemar on a recent two-week voyage.
The Norwegian captain, Arild Ueland, confirmed that of the 849 passengers, 117 were from Ireland, “the highest number ever from this country”. Many had been lured by the ease of a direct flight from Dublin to Miami, our port of embarkation. Normally, Irish passengers have to fly via a British airport.
Some had been attracted by last-minute deals – the downturn is resulting in some very compelling price reductions. Just days before our cruise departed the Travel Broker agency in Clontarf, Dublin, was offering last-minute deals for €999 per person, including direct flight, taxes and fuel surcharges. That’s not much more than you’d pay for a week in a decent Spanish hotel during the summer.
It took 14 hours precisely from check-in at Dublin Airport to settling into a cabin. As night fell the ship eased out of port past the twinkling towers of a Miami Vice skyline into the dark ocean. Waking next morning, the curtains opened to reveal two portholes, brilliant sunshine and a glittering blue sea.
It was time to explore. A modern cruise ship is essentially a combination of large hotel and floating resort. Cabins range from basic but very comfortable en-suite rooms to luxury “penthouses” with private balconies. You get what you pay for. The facilities are impressive. Pubs, restaurants, a theatre, entertainment lounges, library, internet room, shops and even, for the budget conscious or light packers, a launderette.
The interiors are elegant, air-conditioned and spacious. Outside are ample areas with comfortable seating for sunbathing, eating, reading or just watching the soothing sea glide past. The top deck is devoted to a vast open-air sun lounge with swimming pools and Jacuzzis. The daytime temperature frequently reached 30 degrees.
Meals were served in a choice of three restaurants run by crisply uniformed and incredibly efficient Filipino staff. The food (available either from buffets or with waiter service) was very good indeed, pretty much always available and widely praised. The highlight for many passengers was afternoon tea. It is remarkable how refreshing a cup tastes in the tropics. And there’ll always be an England while freshly baked scones, clotted cream and strawberry jam are available off the steamy coast of Haiti.
Seating is generally free – a good way to meet people – although tables for dinner are allocated. Passengers are given a table number and sitting time in advance, but if you prefer absolute informality there is a free-seating option in one of the restaurants every night.
The ambience is friendly. One of the pleasures of cruising is the opportunity to casually meet and chat to a wide range of people. The majority of passengers are British. Most are couples, but there are quite a few groups of friends as well as single travellers. You can join any table and strike up a conversation. A retired army officer – Scots Guards – from Hampshire reminisced good-humouredly about his tours of duty in Northern Ireland and Belize; a former Scargillite coal miner from Yorkshire gazed wistfully at the coast of Cuba’s socialist promised land while recalling the strikes and pit closures of the 1980s.
Many of the Irish passengers – from Cavan, Dublin, Kilkenny, Kildare, Wexford and other counties – were first-time Caribbean cruisers and delighted by the experience. Dorothy Neill and Trish Cuthbert, friends from Malahide, in Co Dublin, were typical; they described their holiday as “absolutely fantastic” and “totally wonderful”.
A popular venue was the Morning Light pub, where one of many on-board entertainers, a Dublin singer-songwriter named Pat Shannon, regaled drinkers with a medley of traditional songs. It is quite an experience to hear a singalong version of The Fields of Athenry off the coast of Venezuela.
A crew member said bar takings were "considerably up", and the captain observed diplomatically that "the Irish are more lively [than the British] and like a drink - just like the Norwegians".
Next door, in the Neptune Lounge, a silver-haired contingent from Middle England was belting out Land of Hope and Glory during British Night, after a dinner that featured mulligatawny soup, beef Wellington and spotted dick. Think Gilbert and Sullivan meet The Wolfe Tones - and it was all very civilised, with not a drunken sailor to be seen.
While all food is included in the price of the cruise, drinks are extra, charged to cabins in sterling. Prices were very reasonable: a pint of Stella Artois was £2.10 (€2.30), a Jameson and soda water £2.95 (€3.20). A service charge is added to all bar bills.
On the matter of tipping in general - a sensitive issue on cruise ships - the advice from Fred. Olsen is that it is entirely at your discretion. "As a general rule £2 per passenger per day for your cabin stewardess and the same amount for your restaurant waiter is always very much appreciated." The money can be put in envelopes available from reception; it is handed over at the end of the cruise.
Days are spent at sea or visiting one of the many ports of call. On sailing days it is possible to do nothing but sunbathe and swim, sit and read. But there's no shortage of on-board activities.
As the days went by, mobile phones gradually disappeared. It is possible to use them on board, but very expensive. Internet connections are slow, cumbersome and costly. The ghastly CNN is available in cabins, and the ship publishes a daily summary of British news downloaded via satellite from the Daily Mail.
But many passengers seemed content to escape the real world for a while and focus instead on the ship's Daily News, which outlines the day's movements and activities. These included a watercolour class, Pilates, yoga, bingo, quizzes, golf-putting, betting on televised greyhound racing, carpet bowls and health-related seminars, such as Are You Suffering from Arthritis & Sciatica? Quite a few were.
Evening entertainment included classical music performances, comedy and song-and-dance cabaret shows. Dance hosts were "primarily on board to dance with ladies travelling alone", but "if your partner or husband does not dance, feel free to make yourself known".
There was even a meeting for Freemasons. And an interdenominational religious service on Sunday. Oh, and a spa offering beauty treatments, and a gym and gaming tables. You couldn't be bored. But you could also choose to do nothing at all.
A word about smoking. Like most cruise lines, Fred. Olsen has designated its ships smoke-free except for some outdoor areas. Among the estimated 20 per cent of passengers on the Braemar who smoked were Pat and Angela from Dublin, who held very convivial court, day and night, in the smoking area to the aft of deck 7. They agreed that the policy was fair and were having a whale of a time. While the restriction is not a problem in the balmy waters of the Caribbean, nicotine addicts planning a trip to the Baltics may wish to consider their position.
The dress code aboard was generally relaxed, although no flip-flops or swimwear was allowed in the restaurants even during the day. There were a few formal evenings when most male passengers wore black-tie, although a dark lounge suit was deemed acceptable. Women wore long gowns or cocktail dresses. Many passengers said they really enjoyed getting dressed up. Most evenings the code was simply smart casual.
Although some passengers appeared never to leave the ship, for most the days ashore were a highlight of the cruise. An on-board excursions office sold organised trips ranging from simple sightseeing tours by coach to more adventurous experiences, such as swimming with dolphins. But you can also simply walk down the gangplank and, with no hassle from immigration or customs authorities, explore an island or visit a beach under your own steam.
Cruise ships in the Caribbean have a dizzying choice of destinations; the Braemar's itinerary had visits to the Dominican Republic, Curaçao, Venezuela, Grenada, Barbados, St Lucia, Antigua and, eventually, Key West, in Florida, before disembarkation at Miami. It is wonderful being able to visit so many places without the inconvenience of changing hotel room and being able to return to air-conditioned comfort and reliable food every night.
Back on board passengers exchanged anecdotes. Everyone had a favourite spot, from the glorious Grand Anse beach, on the "spice island" of Grenada, to the gorgeous pastel-coloured buildings of Willemstad, the capital of Curaçao and a little Dutch outpost in the Netherlands Antilles.
Suitcases were transformed into treasure chests of souvenirs: pearls from Isla Margarita, off Venezuela, bottles of rum from Barbados and Colombian emeralds from the duty-free mall at St George's, in Grenada. In Santo Domingo Bernard Corrigan from Ardee, Co Louth, had "a most magnificent day" and was thrilled with his purchases of opulent wooden boxes of Romeo y Julieta and Cohiba cigars.
Among the many professional entertainers on the ship was a Geordie comedian who joked about walking past one of the superior cabins on the upper deck as two "posh ladies" were settling in. He heard the sound of a champagne cork popping and one saying to the other: "It's what he would have wanted, dear."
The average age of passengers was 67. Some were a good deal older, and the very few under 40 - travelling with large family groups - were conspicuous.
If you're over 50, a cruise like this is a wonderful holiday and really worth considering. If you're over 60, you may already be thinking about it. If you're over 70, book it now. Sod the children and their inheritance. You only live once. And you're worth it.
* Michael Parsons was a guest of Fred. Olsen Cruise Lines
Cruises from Ireland
* Most Fred. Olsen cruises involve departures from Britain, but occasionally you can fly to the ship from Dublin. The Braemar will depart on a 15-night cruise on February 4th next year. You can fly from Dublin to Puntarenas, in Costa Rica, then sail through the Panama Canal, visiting Panama, Guatemala, Colombia and the Caribbean islands of Aruba, Curaçao and Barbados. The flight back to Dublin leaves from Bridgetown, the Barbadian capital.
* The cruise costs from £1,582 (€1,710) per person, based on two people sharing a twin cabin, including all meals and entertainment on board, return charter flights, and port and airport taxes.
* Call 01-2482833, see www.fredolsencruises.co or visit any good travel agent.