Roisin Ingle visits Hayfield Manor.
The winding one-way streets around University College Cork meant that tempers were slightly frayed by the time we pulled up at our lodgings.
You couldn't be narky in this five-star neck of the woods for long, though. Even from the outside, with all that clambering ivy and the grand entrance, Hayfield Manor felt like something out of an Agatha Christie novel. And after that drive we could have gladly murdered a glass of wine or three.
Inside, a grand piano was tinkling away, the fire was roaring and a group of elegant French people were in the lobby, waving their arms about and discussing cinéma vérité.
Elsewhere, the framed snaps of visiting dignitaries and celebrities - hello, Lionel Richie - felt a bit corny, but at least they signposted the fact that this was not going to be one of those postmodern boutique-hotel experiences. In other words, the bed would be shaped like a bed, not like piece of abstract art. Which, after that drive, was a relief.
At the small reception area we were given a key. Yes, a real key. It's so rare not to be handed a piece of easy-to-mislay plastic at this point in the proceedings that we were momentarily put off guard. The key was attached to a heavy piece of leather that we lugged upstairs together with our bag, because nobody offered to help, which was fine, and again added to the sense that you were at your granny's. Your exceptionally wealthy granny's, obviously, the one with the fabulous collection of gilt-edged mirrors and shelfloads of ornaments.
The room upstairs was a cosy oasis, oozing old-style luxury. There was also a newfangled 42in plasma TV that could be swivelled in the direction of the room's dining area.
Room service was top notch, and our burger came with crispy criss-crossed chips and a hefty slice of portobello mushroom.
It had been a long day, and the combination of orthopaedic mattress and marshmallow pillows was so diverting that we nearly missed our morning call.
A minor quibble: we had ordered The Irish Times, but for some reason the Times of London was placed neatly outside the door instead. The mistake was rectified in the breakfast room, which is decorated in greys and pinks, with Romanesque statues, urns of roses and subdued jazz on the stereo.
Apart from the stale filter coffee, which had been in the jug far too long, breakfast - thin pancakes with maple syrup and fruit - was perfect.
We must have liked it, because when we got home the giant fob and key were still in our bag. We'll just have to go back, so." This was not going to be one of those postmodern boutique-hotel experiences. The bed would be shaped like a bed, not like piece of abstract art. Which was a relief
WhereHayfield Manor Hotel, Perrott Avenue, College Road, Cork, 021-4845900, www.hayfieldmanor.ie.
Best rateDouble €230 for two people; €190 single rate. Plenty of special offers.
Rooms88, including a master suite and three executive rooms.
AmbienceOlde worlde.
Child-friendly?Very. Mini-bathrobes in the spa. Milk and cookies provided for little ones in the afternoon.
AccessNo access issues; some rooms have been specially adapted.
FoodTwo options: fine dining, in the Orchid Restaurant, and more casual fare, in Perrott's Garden bistro. Plus a resident sommelier.
DrinkNice cosy bar.
LeisureThe Beautique - hate the name, love the spa - is all the leisure you'll need, with swimming pool, Elemis treatments and outdoor hot tub. The individual treatment rooms even have antique furniture and chandeliers.
Hidden extras?No. The parking is free, and so is the broadband.
HighlightsThe art and antiques.