He could barely see the cars, but the Monaco Grand Prix made Sports Editor Malachy Loganrealise why so many people love Formula 1
GETTING INTO shape to attend a Formula 1 race should be confined to just one exercise: standing beside a runway as aircraft take off and land. Nothing else could be better preparation for the ear-piercing noise generated by the screaming engines of Grand Prix cars.
That such an unmerciful din should be part of the attraction of the blue riband of motor sport may seem odd, but Formula 1 fans seem to relish the noise as much as the electrifying speeds their heroes reach on the famous circuits of the world.
Those speeds, which regularly pass 300km/h, are all the more remarkable on the narrow streets of Monte Carlo, where glamour and glitter combine with G forces for the most famous Formula 1 race of all.
Chic, chicks and chicanes would be a politically incorrect but apt slogan for the Monaco Grand Prix as it vies with the Cannes film festival to draw A-list celebrities to the "discreet" parties and less discreet yachts berthed in Monte Carlo.
Rubbing shoulders with the Grimaldi family may be the most prized invitation; failing that, an afternoon aboard one of the floating places that pass as yachts seems to satisfy the motley collection of wannabe actors and actresses, past-their-sell-by-date sportsmen and assorted other hangers-on.
The regular Formula 1 supporter, known affectionately as a petrolhead, can only dream of watching the race from such vantage points. He or she has to be satisfied with a far less comfortable perch.
In the case of a regular Grand Prix, this would mean one of the stands dotted around the course a long way from the finishing straight.
When it came to Monte Carlo we took our chances on the Secteur Rocher (€40 for a qualifying-session ticket), overlooking the harbour.
This was akin to watching a game at Croke Park from a crane in Clonliffe College. Not only did we have to contend with being so far removed from the action that the cars were just distant dots; we also had to find a gap between trees just to glimpse the harbour.
The infectious good humour and in-depth knowledge of the thousands gathered on the Monaco hillside almost compensated for the lack of a view. Lap times were quickly passed along, fuel loads expertly analysed and the importance of tyre treads explained with great patience to the uninitiated.
Armed with this information it was nearly possible to get an impression of who was fastest and how the starting grid would look for the race.
That starting grid is the place to be seen come race time. Paddock passes that allow access to the pit lane cost thousands of euro, and anyone who regularly watches Formula 1 coverage on television will be familiar with the crowds milling around the cars and drivers before the race begins.
This is where the Formula 1 circus shamelessly flaunts itself. The impending battle becomes almost secondary to the parade of celebrities, who move embarrassingly between the cars as if they are on one of the famous catwalks of the world.
That embarrassment is multiplied in Monaco, which is acknowledged as the sassiest race on the calendar. If making a fool of yourself on the pit lane gets global TV coverage, who cares? When the movie mogul George Lucas popped up in Monte Carlo it was a case of from the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull to the Principality of Skulling Cristal.
The crowds watching the race in the Monaco grandstands are probably less typical than at any other Grand Prix. Many appear to be on once-in-a-lifetime pilgrimages to the race and are obviously prepared to pay exorbitant prices for stand tickets.
Our relatively ordinary cramped seats in Casino Square were an astonishing €450 each. Few, if any, sports events can charge prices like that, with the exception of soccer and rugby world cup finals.
Once you shifted your brain through the gears and adjusted your focus to the race itself, it was compelling viewing. The huge buzz that ran through the crowd on the warm-up lap gave way to tremendous excitement as the cars roared off the starting grid.
As they reached our vantage point the penny finally dropped about Formula 1. The noise, speed and spectacle were extraordinary, and I suddenly realised what the huge attraction is for millions of supporters around the world.
Television may give you in-car cameras, frantic pit-lane tyre changes and high-speed spins, but it won't give you the thunder claps of gear changes, the smell of burning rubber or the adrenalin rush of watching drivers come within millimetres of disaster while reaching electrifying speeds.
You can appreciate those sensations only by attending a race and watching man and machine combine in a sport that is high octane in every sense.
Do . . .
Do try to get a stand seat close to a big screen, so you can follow the action when the cars are not in your area. Failing that, bring a radio and pick up the race commentary.
Do use earplugs (but it's worth taking them out now and then for the full-volume race).
Do bring sunscreen, as you may be in the stands for four hours.
Don't . . .
Don't buy an official programme. They are expensive and very basic.
Don't mention Max Mosley, the Formula 1 chief who lives life in the fast lane and was recently exposed for taking part in an orgy.
Don't go if you are a Green and want to see fossil fuels being conserved.
Malachy Loganwas a guest of the Travel Department (01-6371600, www.traveldepartment.ie), which has packages to the Hungarian, European, Belgian, Italian, Chinese and Brazilian Grands Prix.
A three-night package to the German Grand Prix on July 18th costs €599 per person sharing, including three-star accommodation, flights and qualifying and race tickets.
French Grand Prix, Magny-Cours: next weekend.
British Grand Prix, Silverstone: July 4th-6th.
German Grand Prix, Hockenheim: July 18th-20th.
Hungarian Grand Prix, Budapest: August 1st-3rd.
European Grand Prix, Valencia: August 22nd-24th.
Belgian Grand Prix, Spa-Francorchamps: September 5th-7th.
Italian Grand Prix, Monza: September 12th-14th.
Singapore Grand Prix: September 26th-28th.
Chinese Grand Prix, Shanghai: October 10th-12th.
Japanese Grand Prix, Fuji: October 17th-19th.
Brazilian Grand Prix, São Paulo: October 31st- November 2nd.