Go Ireland:If your memories of self-catering involve lugging turf, fighting off the damp and struggling to entertain kids in a house hardly bigger than a caravan, then think again
Kevin Courtneybrought his wife and toddler to Parknasilla Resort, Sneem Co Kerry
I HAVE TO admit I've never fully got my head around the concept of self-catering. I had this vague idea that it was some kind of deal where the waiter serves dinner, but you have to get your own knife and fork. I didn't quite grasp that it means what it says on the tin - looking after yourself, right down to opening your own can of beans.
We have arrived in Kenmare for our self-catering weekend in Parknasilla, tired after a long drive but looking forward to a relaxing Easter break. "We'd better go to the supermarket and get supplies," suggests Lucinda. "Er, do we have to? Won't there be stuff there?" Lucinda looks at me as if I'm thick. "It's self-catering. That means we have to bring our own food." What, no room service?
Parknasilla is a grand old house on the shores of Kenmare bay, surrounded by woodland walks and with a modern deck overlooking a stunning vista. Our accommodation is a three-bedroomed villa on the grounds, about a 10-minute walk from the hotel, and you can actually order room service there if you want to. All the hotel's facilities - including spa and babysitting service - are available to self-caterers and roomers alike.
Walking into our spacious, modern but rustic villa, I immediately see a problem with this luxury self-catering lark: after three nights in this dream home, we may not want to go back to our gaff in Blackrock.
Lucinda sees a different problem: the various lamps, ornaments and objects around the house are sitting ducks for our endlessly curious two-year-old. Before Daniel can test the effects of gravity on fine ceramics, his mum has locked all breakables in a wardrobe; the minimalist look suits the place.
We have our food, but we don't feel like cooking tonight, so it's up to the hotel's Pygmalion restaurant for a welcome bite of dinner. The food's decent if unspectacular, the service is pleasant, and the atmosphere in this vast dining hall is great. There's a sense that Parknasilla is trying to make the transition from stuffy and haughty to loose and family-friendly. Kids are allowed in the restaurant anytime, and the hotel provides plenty of activities for the young 'uns - an Easter egg hunt is on the agenda for this particular weekend. If they could put in a toddlers' pool to adjoin the main swimming pool, we'd be talking family heaven here.
The villas are the perfect base for exploring the area - over the next two days, we walk two sections of the Kerry Way from Parknasilla to the village of Sneem, and from Derrynane House (Daniel O'Connell's home) to Caherdaniel. We picnic in the Garden of the Senses in Sneem and on Derrynane beach (our picnic was prepared by the hotel staff). And we do the hotel's own magical woodland walks. Arriving back with mucky boots and sweaty gear, it's good to be able go into our own villa without having to tramp through reception.
Our best meal of the weekend was a succulent striploin steak bought at O'Sullivan's butchers in Sneem, and cooked in our cosy villa. Finally, I'm starting to get this self-catering thing.
Kevin Courtney was a guest of Parknasilla resort. Rates start at €750 for five nights for a three-bedroomed villa sleeping up to six people. 064-75600; www.parkna sillahotel.ie
Kate Holmquistbrought her teenagers to a course-side house at Sheraton Fota, Co Cork
WE MIGHT HAVE gone to Mountain View Homes in Kiltealy, Co Wexford with its hot tub, sauna and pool table in the conservatory, or stayed at Tithe Na Cora, Beal an Daingean, Co Galway, in a traditional thatched cottage where we would have been able to walk from our front door on to the pier. But of all the intriguingly different locations offered by selfcatering.ie, we chose Fota, because the kids have always wanted to visit Fota Wildlife Park, which is a short drive away.
Our "really cool" dream house had a driftwood-effect gas fire blazing when we arrived. When we'd stopped gaping long enough to taste from the waiting platter of what the kids pronounced "the nicest cookies and scones we've ever tasted", we settled in for a long weekend in a four-bedroom, three-bathroom house so comfortable and so beautifully decorated that we wanted to wrap it up and take it home. It even had a golfcart port for recharging the runabout and separate entrance to a laundry and golf-equipment room.
The first night, we ate in the Fota Restaurant, where the service was so slow that after two hours we'd eaten two very expensive if delicious courses (with mineral water, it would have come to €218 for five of us if we'd been paying.) When finally served an hour and 45 minutes later, our main courses included an overheated plate that broke in our waitress's hands and she had to serve the rest of the meal with bandages on her fingers. We hear that the golf club's restaurant, with a veranda overlooking the 18th hole, is a favourite with families - more informal and less expensive at about €20 per person for a filling, casual main course.
The next night we self-catered, purchasing the most beautiful fish we'd ever tasted at Ballycotton Seafood in Midleton half-an-hour away, where the Saturday-morning market is a must. Cooking involved contending with a kitchen so high-tech that the dishwasher said "hello", then screeched when it was ignored, so we had to call in the hotel concierge and his assistant, who said it was a first for them too. They were patient, even when we had to call again for help with the built-in espresso machine (we'd forgotten to put water in it), and it was great to know that help was only a phone call away.
The golf academy is something special and we enjoyed our family lesson with a PGA pro. I had the best facial and head/neck/shoulder massage of my life at the Sheraton's exceptional spa.
This summer, as part of a family package, golfing parents can send their five- to 12-year-olds to the adjacent Fota Wildlife Park camp for five hours per day (on certain holes golfers can hear the monkeys screaming), with the kiddy-sized Fota train bringing the kids to and from the resort to the park. The resort also has a swimming pool, exercise pools, gym and that demonic lakeside 18th hole, stunningly pretty but so difficult that it challenged even Seve Ballesteros.
Also on the island, there's Fota House, with its collection of art and antiques, and a new cafe that serves great Moroccan lamb and inspired rhubarb crumble. There is lots to do nearby. Our favourite adventure, after the wildlife park, was the quadbike safari with Bridgefield Buggies in Castlemartyr - one of a dozen activities of that ilk available in east Cork.
Kate Holmquist was a guest of www.selfcatering.ie, 1850-200236. From June 20th to July 4th, Selfcatering.ie will have a selection of holiday homes from €349 per week in Achill, Liscannor, Doolin, Courtmacsherry, Lispole and Sneem. Rates at Sheraton Fota start at €490 for three nights and €780 for seven nights.
Child-friendly splendour in Slane
Claire McCarthyenjoyed being pampered in a lodge at Tankardstown House, Co Meath
IN THE GOOD old days, my surfer husband and I treated ourselves to regular weekends away, but the arrival of a baby changed all that. It simply never crossed our minds to go somewhere elegant with junior along. Then I hear about Tankardstown House, recently singled out by Condé Nast Traveller as the best place to rent in Ireland.
"Families welcome," says the website, but I'm sceptical before I get there. This is a wonderfully restored Georgian property and I don't see any sticky fingerprints on that furniture. Brian and Trish Conroy's luxurious hideaway is set on 80 acres just outside Slane, Co Meath. The main house has six bedrooms but is available on an exclusive basis only, so we will be opting for one of the seven cottages next door.
We're met by Dexter, a massive English mastiff, who was a rescue dog but looks born to the place. Before supper we're invited to avail of the main house reception areas: maybe a drink at the bar or a read by a roaring fire? It looks tempting, but there's a small man to get off to bed before the food arrives.
The cottages are furnished to a really high standard, so we don't feel like the poor relations when we return to base. There are power showers, plasma-screen TVs, a DVD player and a mini-bar. Best of all, we can have a delicious three-course supper and not worry about getting home for the babysitter. Food is sourced locally where possible, and the next morning Trish drops off the freshest of breakfasts, featuring baking from George's Patisserie in Slane.
The gym is temporarily without a home; it is being converted into a bar and lounge with snack menu, which should open soon, and a bistro-style restaurant is planned for later in the summer. But for active types, there's a tennis court, and walking tour guides can escort groups. They will provide the boots and wet-weather clothing. Guests are welcome to borrow any of the dogs (four, not all of Dexter proportions) for a shorter stroll. Plus there are five golf courses within 32km.
For us, Trish recommends a visit to Newgrange Farm. Beside the ancient monument is a working farm, and it's a lively spot for kids. It's all quite nearby, so we fit in a drive to Mellifont Abbey and Monasterboice during our stay.
Tankardstown House itself is an undeniably lovely setting for weddings, and can take up to 70 guests dining.
"We're not a hotel," says manager Deborah McGill, "so there are no formulas - you are essentially master of the house." It's also popular for family reunions.
Claire McCarthy was a guest of Tankardstown House. Cottages cost €100pp per night, including a continental breakfast. Dinner starts at €40, and a 25min back massage costs €48. 041-9824621, www.tankardstown.ie
Living and sleeping on cloud nine
For loved-up couples and their friends, Gatbsy House in Ardara, Co Donegal, is ideal, says Alanna Gallagher
BANG IN THE middle of the heritage town of Ardara, Gatsby House features gorgeous cornicing, an original tiled hall floor and fin-de-Celtic Tiger decor that is less obtrusive in real life than it looks online. Creature comforts include cloud beds, rainwater showers and fine dining, should you wish to engage the services of their chef, Arlene Dennis.
And you should. Her food is nothing short of fantastic, one of the most memorable meals I've ever had in this county. To start, we had potted crab served with a Parmesan and rocket salad and caramelised carrot, followed by roast rack of lamb with colcannon potato cakes in a juniper and cinnamon jus that was so tender and juicy it would make grown men weep. A rhubarb crumble with crème anglaise and brown bread ice cream completed the menu. Dinner was served on Vera Wang porcelain.
The dining room is raised so you feel like you're floating and there is a trompe d'oeil featuring a large knife and fork that sets the scene. The slick Barbara Barry chairs look and feel that part.
The parquet-floored sitting room has Ralph Lauren and Designers Guild furnishings, luxurious velvet chairs and sofas and an open fire, an essential part of any Donegal experience. There is no television in any of the reception rooms, meaning you will have to rediscover the art of conversation.
The mood is grown up throughout - this is a place for couples, not kids. Upstairs are five lavishly decorated bedrooms, four doubles and a twin, all offering a seductive night's slumber on cloud beds. These feature feather-mattress toppers set on a Sleeping Partner mattress and base. These doughy confections are piled high so you clamber up and then fall like Alice through the rabbit hole into oblivion.
Jo Malone toiletries, fluffy bathrobes and towels and deep-pile carpets that sink up to your waist only add to the cloud-nine living. The best bedroom in the house is the Ava Gardner, complete with original marble fireplace and fireside chair and ottoman to curl up in. You can fall asleep to the flicker of the dying embers.
The only problem with Gatsby is that you won't want to leave, which means you'll miss out on the spectacular surrounding scenery. But this is your holiday to have your way - what is guaranteed is that you'll come back exceedingly rested and vowing to install a similar bed system at home.
Alanna Gallagher was a guest of the Swell Group. Gatsby House is €1,600 for a minimum three-night stay for up to 10 people. 00-44-7725- 056421, www.swell-group.co.uk
The wild and the wonderful in Co Cork