Sarah-Louise and I are sisters. We don’t share the same biological parents but we do share a unique bond that began the day she was placed in foster care with my family. She was a tiny, strong-willed toddler with an extraordinary ability to fend for herself, and I was a moody teenager. I knew she was going to teach me a thing or two, not least because her name means “warrior princess”.
In Ireland today there are more than 6,000 children in the care system. Overall I feel very positively about the endeavour of fostering, but I also believe the system needs massive reform. Too many children are shuffled between temporary homes, housed in residential centres or sent abroad. Not every child in care has a social worker. Not every child leaving care has proper support to cope with life’s challenges.
Last year Sarah-Louise and I lost a brother. He was 23 when he died. That he was my foster brother and Sarah-Louise’s birth brother was, in the end, secondary to the fact of grief.
Not once did Sarah-Louise suggest that my right to grieve was any less than hers. Not once did she lose heart with a system that seems, on several occasions, to have failed our brother. In the darkness of those days, as she turned 18, we raised a glass of bubbly in celebration of life. It was exactly what he would have wanted.
My bond with Sarah-Louise was cemented last year when I had the opportunity to meet the rest of her birth siblings. Finally, after all this time, I understood exactly who she was and where she had come from. For me, her birth siblings have set the bar very high for what is possible in life, even in the face of adverse circumstances, even in the face of grief.
Sarah-Louise is soon to become a mother, and I know that life has equipped her, better than most, with the ability to love a child unconditionally. Hers is a story of determination and I know she’s going to be a fantastic mother.
- We would love to receive your family memories, anecdotes, traditions, mishaps and triumphs. Email 350 words and a relevant photograph if you have one to familyfortunes@irishtimes.com. A fee will be paid
