The sudden death of Munster and Ireland rugby player Anthony “Axel” Foley in 2016 left his wife, Olive, and their two young sons, Tony and Dan, completely heartbroken.
Without warning, the family lost its anchor but visits to the Children’s Grief Centre in Limerick city helped them learn the tools necessary to navigate their grief, particularly for the two boys.
“It was very sudden. I had two little grieving kids, aged eight and 11 at the time. I was in complete shock and grieving myself and I really needed help,” said Olive Foley. She sought out Sisters of Mercy nun and chief executive of the centre, Sr Helen Culhane, , who “took over from there”.
Founded 14 years ago, the centre has helped more than 2,000 children cope with the trauma of losing a parent in death or grieving the absence of a parent from a separation or divorce.
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The free service, the only one of its kind in Ireland, has a three- to four-month waiting list and 170 children on standby for an appointment to see a support worker.
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The centre sees up to 60 children a week but plans to expand this to 100 at its new premises on the grounds of Scoil Carmel, known as “The Mount”, which was officially opened on Tuesday.
The building, gifted to Sr Culhane by the Mercy Sisters, has been transformed into an oasis of calm where children are listened to and allowed time to heal through play and expressing their emotions in a safe environment.
Often children who are grieving for a parent may exhibit risk for high levels of emotional and behavioural problems or even suppress their feelings to protect their other parent.
“Children will protect the other parent. My little lads were looking at me and saying: ‘If we ask mom something, we are going to make her cry’. But they were able to come in here and really be able to deal with their grief,” Foley said.
“The staff in the centre have the language for children, they have ways of explaining things.”
The one full-time, eight part-time and 10 volunteer staff members, led by Sr Culhane, are seen as “angels” by the thousands of children and families that have passed through their doors.
One of the service users, Caoilinn Cahill (16) from Kilmaley, Co Clare, was just 10 years old when she lost her brother, rising hurling star Oisin Cahill (18), in a road traffic collision that also claimed the life of their cousin Darragh Killeen (19).
For a long time, Caoilinn isolated herself from family and friends, as “I was struggling with figuring out how to deal with how I was feeling”, until she began attending the centre in 2020.
Initially, she felt “scared to come in and talk” about how she was feeling “because when I came in I didn’t even know how to put words on it”.
“But as soon as I came in, I knew it was a really welcoming and safe space,” she said.
The centre, a registered charity which survives on donations – most come from the JP McManus Benevolent Fund and annual Government funding of €52,000 – costs around €400,000 to run annually.
Other sources of funding include the Tomar Trust, Cork; the Bon Secours Health System; United States semiconductor manufacturer Analog Devices; users’ families; and individuals. This year, it received one-off capital funding of €450,000 towards the centre’s €3.5 million redevelopment costs.
Resources will be stretched, however, and more funding will be required. Last year, 306 children attended. The number is likely to be 400 at the end of this year.
They come from far and near – “Limerick, Tipperary, Cork, Kerry, Waterford, everywhere,” said Sr Culhane.
“There [is] a huge need in Ireland. There should be a children’s grief centre in every county in Ireland. I suppose that would be the dream,” she said.
“Only within the last number of weeks, we’ve heard of so many tragic bereavements and what’s going to happen to all those children and young people who need support going forward?”