Reviewed - Must love dogs: DESPERATE target audience - 16-35, white, female - seeks insufferably bland romantic comedy composed entirely of genre cliches. Needs unthreatening heroine (eg D Lane), eager to date after previous romantic disasters, and gentle hero (eg J Cusack) with quirky job such as building boats.

Plot unimportant, but could make do with something like: heroine's sister places internet lonely-hearts ad on heroine's behalf, leading to dates with many idiots, then hero. (Cusack too tubby now perhaps?) V important, must have clucking female buddies; scene where everyone sings 1970s pop tune (eg theme from The Partridge Family) and gay confidante who keeps heroine's spirits up after misunderstandings with hero (Cusack definitely eaten too many pies).

Can tolerate plot so sketchily drawn it's hard to tell whether or not lovers are still together at any point in film. Will put up with aging ham (even C Plummer) playing heroine's dad with an Irish accent as insubstantial as the mist that dances over Bantry Bay (etc). But must insist on final scene where one of two leads has to wade across lake and reveal love to other, thus averting catastrophe.