Not everybody loves St Valentine's Day and all that comes with it - and whyshould they, asks Rosita Boland
Come February 14th the advertising industry divides the population in two. If you don't have a partner it's not interested in you right now. You're not in the market for the togetherness clichés of St Valentine's Day: the cards, flowers, chocolates, holidays, dinners, soft toys, jewellery and champagne it devoutly hopes the couples of the Western world will be plying each other with tomorrow. If you are single you can be left feeling quite out of things at this time of year. So how do single people feel about St Valentine's Day?
Cathy is a 33-year-old public-relations consultant. Last St Valentine's Day she organised a dinner party at her apartment for seven of her single female friends. "Everyone dressed up, drank lots of champagne, danced, talked and then watched a video of Bridget Jones's Diary after dinner. We had so much fun," she says. "We laughed all night, just celebrating the kitschiness of it. The funniest thing about the night was getting a text message in the middle of it all from a friend who was having her first Valentine's Day as a married woman, saying that she'd love to be there with us all.
"You might as well do something on Valentine's Day, even if you're not with someone you're in love with. But even if I was with someone I wouldn't want to do something with just that one person. I'd want to celebrate in a grander capacity; share it with special friends. I do believe in eternal love, but I would kill someone if they bought me 12 red roses on Valentine's Day. It's such a terrible cliché."
Kitty is a 28-year-old philosophy student. "It never really meant anything to me, even when I was going out with someone," she says. "Valentine's Day is so fake. There's something about the commercialism of the whole thing that's horrible. I do think the focus is more on women and what men think they want from the day. Every year, when I was with my boyfriend, he would give me yet another stuffed toy on Valentine's Day. Every year another one arrived. I was a grown woman; what did I want with children's toys? I hated them. But he never got the message."
"I'd love to be going to Paris this weekend, but only to watch the rugby," says George, a 31-year-old banker. "Tomorrow I'll be getting together with a group of male friends to watch the rugby somewhere. I don't buy into Valentine's Day and never really did. Even when I'm in a relationship I tend to ignore it. I think it's so contrived. An anniversary to me is a personal day, a day that means something to you personally in your relationship; maybe the day you met. There's nothing personal about Valentine's Day."
George believes that the day tends to mean more to women than to men. "I don't know why that is, but I do think there is more pressure on men. For male friends in my age group, if they don't come up with giving their girlfriends a weekend away for Valentine's they're considered to be the worst boyfriends in the world. There are even hints about expecting a ring."
"I have zero interest in Valentine's Day," says Barbara, a 33-year-old marketing consultant. "I do scoff a little at it. You get ripped off so much on Valentine's Day. It costs twice as much for dinner, and there's the huge cost of flowers around the day. I think guys are put under a lot of pressure to come up with something for girls, and a lot of them fall into the trap of roses and chocolates. Women love getting presents, so this is just an excuse to get more from their men. Guys are a bit more cynical, and I don't think it means the same thing to them at all. I don't feel bad being single on Valentine's Day. There's a lot more occasions to feel bad about being single than on Valentine's Day, like when you get invitations to black-tie dinners or to weddings, and you don't have anyone to bring."
Tomorrow Barbara will be in Paris to watch Ireland play France. "I'm going with friends, all couples. I'm the only singleton among them. But I'm sure I'll find some other single people when I'm over there!"
"Valentine's Day is a failure of the imagination," says Quentin Fottrell, a 33-year-old writer and agony uncle on www.worldweary.com, his website. "Going out to celebrate your love by eating mediocre food: how cringy is that? It's a Hallmark holiday of flowers and boxes of chocolates. If you have a healthy, good relationship you don't need Valentine's Day to give meaning to it. Valentine's Day is never that important to me, whether I'm single or not. I choose not to celebrate it. When I'm single, like now, I'd never see it as a day to feel bad about myself just because I'm single. Why are people so scared of being singled out as single? Three-quarters of my friends are single - and I've never seen a happier, more fulfilled group of people."
Single people in the US are beginning to rebel about dating for the sake of dating. The movement started when a New York-based writer called Sasha Cagen coined the term "quirkyalones" to describe people who prefer to wait for Mr or Mrs Right. They are happy being single - although they have sexual flings - but would rather hang out with friends than endure the misery of a dull date. Cagen's website, www.quirkyalone.net, gets thousands of hits a day. She has also written a book, Quirkyalone: A Manifesto For Uncompromising Romantics. That's the US, of course, and we don't date the same way on this side of the Atlantic, so Irish single people are presumably already quirky and fashionably up to date without even knowing it.
Christine May of MRCS Counselling in Dublin says that, although most of her clients are couples, she also sees quite a lot of single people. "There are two main types," she says, "those who have been in a relationship and are now on their own and are coming to terms with it and those who want to be in a relationship and don't know how to." May, who has been a counsellor for 15 years, has noticed that people are remaining single longer. "I do wonder if people now are looking for something that's unattainable. Are we being persuaded by the media that there is some sort of perfection out there that we can't find? Are people's expectations unrealistically high?"
If you are an unwittingly fashionable quirkyalone and want to get out and party, a few things are happening in Dublin this weekend that don't involve dining à deux. Tonight Who's Who for the Unattached, a dating agency around since 1993, is having a singles party open to both members and the public. It starts at 8 p.m. at the Earl of Kildare Hotel. Tickets cost €35 (01-678 9725). Tomorrow Lillies Bordello is having its second Singled Out Valentine's party, from 11.30 p.m. Last year 800 people turned up. "A celebration without the mush," promises Tara O'Connor of the nightclub. Entry costs €15 (01-6799204). Also tomorrow, the Radisson SAS Hotel in Galway is holding a singles black-tie ball, with a swing band afterwards. The women's tickets have sold out, but they're still looking for men (091-544331). Proceeds from the €95 tickets go to Croí, the West of Ireland Cardiology Foundation.
Some names have been changed
Did you know
. . . that, during the Middle Ages, the belief that birds chose their mates on February 14th led to the idea that men and women would do the same?
. . . that over 1,000 letters addressed to Juliet still arrive each St Valentine's Day from around the world in the Italian city of Verona, despite the fact that Juliet is a fictional character in Shakespeare's play Romeo And Juliet?
. . . that Hallmark has 1,330 different cards in its St Valentine's Day line?
. . . that 85 per cent of St Valentine's Day cards are bought by women?
. . . that one of the most insidious computer viruses of recent years was the "love bug", first detected in Hong Kong in 2000? People couldn't resist opening the infected messages, which had a tantalising "I love you" in their subject lines. More than 3.1 million computers wereaffected.
. . . Off to Paris? It's not all about rugby
Your man is whisking you off to Paris for the Six Nations tomorrow - and you're afraid all you'll get is line-outs, garryowens and Guinness. Fear not: where there's rugby there's romance. Afterwards, lead him to one of these romantic spots.
Eat
Ladurée
16 Rue Royale (Metro: Madeleine or Concorde) and branches on Rue Bonaparte and Avenue des Champs Élysées and at Printemps; 00-33-1-42602179; www.laduree.fr
There is perhaps no more romantic way to spend an afternoon than walking through the Tuileries Gardens with the one you love, sharing a bag of the mouth-watering macaroons Ladurée is famous for - it sells over 10,000 a day.
Le Baron Rouge
1 Rue Théophile-Roussel, 00-33-1-43431432, Metro: Bastille
On Sundays, when much of Paris shuts down, follow locals' lead
for lunch. This cheerful eatery is on the Place d'Aligre in the
middle of a vibrant north-African market. Lean against wine
barrels outside and indulge in a feast of cheese, charcuterie and oysters - and drink wine from the barrels.
Restaurant Georges
Centre Pompidou, Rue Beaubourg, 00-33-1-44781233, www.cnac-gp.fr, Metros: Châtelet, Hôtel de Ville
Reflective surfaces, pod-like designs and roses decorate this elegant restaurant on top of the Pompidou Centre, with one of
the finest views of Paris, including the distant Eiffel Tower: a great backdrop for a photograph.
Drink
Bar des Lucioles
102 Boulevard de Ménilmontant, 00-33-1-40331024, Metro: Ménilmontant
Bold is romantic. And there are times when effusive love is applauded - such as tomorrow. Read your poetry aloud here and you'll make your lover's heart go boom - and even get a free drink from the owner, a poet himself.
Le Fumoir
6 Rue de l'Amiral de Coligny, 00-33- 1-42920024; Metro: Louvre-Rivoli
After a stroll along the Seine, retire to Le Fumoir. Pick a table by the window, where you can gaze at the Louvre and the Gothic facade of the church of St Germain L'Auxerrois and order a couple of black velvets. Few things are more chic than this.
Dance
Le Batofar
Opposite 11 Quai François Mauriac, 00-33-1-56291033, Metro: Quai de la Gare, www.batofar.net
The scene at this art-house dance club is dark and sexy - a great crowd dances from 8.30 p.m.
until dawn. Once a firefighting boat that floated off Ireland, it is now a great river-borne backdrop for any act of seduction.
Favela Chic
18 Rue du Faubourg du Temple, 00- 33-1-40213814, Metro: République
All things Latin-American are in vogue in Paris, so expect this trendy samba joint to be jammed with a sexy dancing crowd and lots of Latin lovers. Open 7 p.m.- 2 a.m. daily except Sundays.
Alicia Peyrano
