Poor Anthony Hopkins has been thrown to the lions by Amazon’s splashy, trashy new ancient Rome epic, Those About to Die (Prime Video, from Friday). The marketing around the show has emphasised Hopkin’s role as Emperor Vespasian, but the Oscar-winner is barely in the first several episodes, and his chief contribution is to lend this vigorously silly affair a veneer of actorly respectability.
He can only do so much, however, and runs aground against showrunner Roland Emmerich’s determination to portray the classical world as an over-sexed, clothing-optional reboot of the Roman scenes from Monty Python’s Life of Brian. Hopkins looks peeved throughout, and understandably so. Even when Vespasian is on screen, he doesn’t do much beyond express disapproval at his feuding princeling sons (Tom Hughes and JoJo Macari) whose inability to get along threatens to undermine Rome at a time when the threat of barbarians at the gate feels increasingly plausible.
The story takes place in AD 7, a time of considerable jeopardy for the empire. The unwashed masses are hungry and rebellious. Vespasian’s offspring are more interested in undermining one another’s claim to their father’s throne than protecting the Eternal City from enemies within and without. Nobody can keep their robes on for longer than 10 minutes at a time.
These are just several strands in a messy cobweb of plots that take us all over the empire. The fun starts with Tenax (Iwan Rheon), a hustler whose gambling interests are tied to the popular chariot races at the Circus Maximus. We are also introduced to his indolent chief charioteer, Scorpus (Dimitri Leonidas), and to reluctant gladiator, Kwame (Moe Hashim), carted off to Rome after capturing a CGI white lion in North Africa. He is taken under the wing of proto-Viking warrior Viggo (Jóhannes Haukur Jóhannesson), their big fight scenes unfolding against the backdrop of iffy digitised renderings of the coliseum.
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Hollywood’s golden rule with Rome is that debauchery is a hallmark of quality. And with its nudity and its gore, Those About to Die indeed feels like a throwback to ancient times – the early days of Game of Thrones when commentators would use words such as “sexposition” with a straight face. We’ve all grown up in the interim, and there’s something depressing about Emmerich (director of Independence Day and 2012) and the philosophy that bare bums are a treat for the punters at homes. Instead of all the wobbling flesh, the series needs more Hopkins – an imperious presence who deserves better than the dusty relic of a show that Prime constructed around him. Two thumbs down for this one, alas.
