REVIEWED - FAT SLAGS: "From the director of Kevin and Perry Go Large," the TV advertisement says by way of warning. Unable to come up with terms which will adequately describe the wretchedness of this big-screen outing for Viz's peerless corpulent libertines, I have been forced to turn to Roger's Profanisaurus by Roger Melly.

Fat Slags is a miner's sock, deserving only of your phlegm brûlée, which features choruses from Moma Jo's bongos and at least two scenes in which characters spend tuppence in ha'pennies and farthings. It is, nonetheless, frustratingly sanitised and definitely not the sort of film in which you will catch a glimpse of Terry Waite's allotment.