Stars: *

There are many random thoughts which go through your mind as you watch Ocean Colour Scene. Did you close the attic windows at home before you left? Will Liverpool beat Manchester United by two or three goals tomorrow? Are they still still playing that same song?

At one stage, singer Simon Fowler raises his glass to the crowd to proudly salute the fact that his band will be together 25 years next year. Twenty five years. A quarter of a century. And still, not one decent song to show for it.

This is truly the worst act I’ve seen in many a long year. It’s tedious, boring, indulgent, flatulent, pompous, gutless, sexless, colourless, everything-less. It’s puke football with guitars, a horror show without a decent soundtrack, the sound of men going through the motions and getting paid a solid five figure fee for their troubles. It’s the death of music. I think I closed the windows.