Hall of residence:A fancy name for student accommodation. The term conjures up Georgian elegance, chandeliers and vaulted ceilings. The reality is probably a musty old box-room that may have once been used as an abattoir.

Honorary degree:So you've been too busy rehearsing with the band to get around to actually doing any study. Don't worry – all is not lost. If you're not hopeful of getting a degree through academic work, there's always the chance of getting an honorary degree sometime in the future.

Lecture:This is the educational talk given to you and your fellow students by a professor or teacher. This is nothing to do with the lecture your parents give you when they come home early and catch you having a keg party.

Library:A dark, deathly quiet chamber that houses the college's books. The perfect place to catch up on your sleep.

Mature students:You might notice some old person, ie someone more than 23, hanging out in the students' union bar, wearing old-fashioned clothes known as "jeans". Don't panic. They're not some old perv looking to prey on you. They are mature students who didn't go directly from school to college. What were they doing in all that time? I dunno, probably in jail for kidnapping.

Post-graduate:A student who has lost their graduation cherry, and has gone on to advanced studies. Note the smug tone when someone tells you, "Yah, I'm doing my post-grad in development studies."

Radiohead:There are some great student bands, such as Arcade Fire and Bloc Party, but Radiohead are the one band to rule them all. Radiohead are brilliant, because they give away all their music for free, which means you don't have to spend your beer money on their LPs. Also, Thom Yorke (below) understands the pain of going through four years of college without getting off with anyone.

Rag week:Nothing to do with the state of your clothes. Rag week is when students get up to all sorts of high jinks in the guise of raising money for charity. The charity aspect is just a flag of convenience for a week of acting the eejit, running about in ladies' clothes, and staging drinking contests. Remember, it's not just about raising money – it's about raising the hackles of faculty, gardaí and anyone else in authority.

Sophomore:A fresher who has made it to their second year of college in more or less one piece. Also, a band's second album, often their most difficult and misunderstood, but usually favoured by college students over their debut.