Directed by Joel Schumacher. Starring Nicolas Cage, Nicole Kidman, Cam Gigandet, Jordana Spiro, Ben Mendelsohn, Liana Liberato 15A cert, limited release, 91 min
IF BOX-OFFICE tallies are to be believed, Nicole Kidman falls somewhere between pestilence and the financial sector in the popularity stakes.
Earlier this year, the former Mrs Cruise appeared to hit an all-time low when the makers behind Just Go With It, an Adam Sandler comedy, removed all traces of Kidman from the posters and publicity materials, lest the public stay away in their droves.
We say "appeared to", as there can little doubt that Trespassmarks a new nadir not just for Kidman, but also for her erratic co-star, Nicolas Cage, and – be very afraid – director Joel Schumacher.
In a parallel universe where movies are subject to exact trade descriptions, the tagline for Trespass would read: "This film may disappoint fans of Ghost Rider, Bewitchedand Batman & Robin." To be fair, there are plenty of laugh-out-loud moments; it's just a shame that this half-arsed and wholly implausible home invasion flick isn't actually a comedy.
Cam Giganet and Ben Mendelsohn do the honours as bungling burglars, acting on the orders of an unseen bigger boy and ably hindered by a pot-smoking paranoid stripper (Jordana Spiro). Hey, if a job’s worth doing, it’s worth doing with an addled sex worker in tow.
Flashbacks smothered in Flake commercial haze add a ludicrous back-story. Isn’t Cam the same guy who installed the home security system, the one who was last seen cavorting in the family pool with the lady of the house?
Cage shouts a lot and refuses to relinquish his diamond collection. Kidman faxes in her Monroe-bot default. Would it spoil the ending if we told you that the biggest twist is that both these people have won Oscars?
Schumacher brings sledgehammer precision to a hackneyed screenplay containing such unintended gems as “Your filthy lust invited us here!” It’s all so direct-to-video it’s like walking into a cinema to find they’re screening the DVDs that come free with part-work DIY magazines.
