‘I CAN honestly say this is one of the worst films I have ever sat through. The story is awful. The acting isn’t very good. Tell me honestly, darling: is this a joke?” How do you like my Simon Cowell impersonation?

This genuinely dire film could stand as a practical illustration of a Pyrrhic victory. When Diversity, the jolly dance act with the flying moppet, beat Susan Boyle to the Britain's Got Talenttitle, it was rapidly announced that they would soon join other BGTvictors in a "major 3D motion picture". Most of us assumed that this horrific prospect would never make it past the outline stage, but here it is in all its foot-stamping, line-mumbling, continuity-annihilating glory.

The plot, you don’t need to be told, finds a hip street-dancer going among posh ballerinas and showing them what real hoofing is about. She is played, with no concessions to variance in vocal tone, by Nichola Burley and, as the film begins, she is working in a sandwich bar.

While delivering sausage rolls to Le Snooty de Posh ballet school, Burley falls into conversation with dance supremo Charlotte Rampling (no, really) and is persuaded to bring her troupe to class. “Oo look at these frightful oiks,” the snooty bunheads say, before finding their inner body-poppers.

There are the occasional, very special films that manage to go the full circle from bad to so-bad-it's- good to just bad again. Streetdance 3Dis just such a beast. The only saving grace is a broad performance by Eleanor Bron (as Rampling's disapproving French colleague) that speaks of an impressive resignation to embrace the atrocity and revel in its wretchedness.

Even Britain's Got Talentfans will be disappointed. Both Diversity and Flawless (remember them?) are relegated to brief appearances, and that George Sampson bloke only gets to perform one, notably shower-free dance number.

I'm sorry, Streetdance, but it's a "no" from me.