MYSTERIOUS lights appear above LA, absorbing most of that city’s inhabitants in a matter of hours. Can a plucky band of survivors evade the extra-terrestrial rapture?

Never mind the alien invasion: what on earth is this cheap, rubbishy Independence Day knock-off doing on the theatrical circuit? From its uneven performances to its blatant pilfering from the Alien franchise, Skylineis a movie that screams out for a DVD premiere to call its own.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” pregnant Elaine (Scottie Thompson) simpers as more and more special effects appear. She’s not alone. Any similarities between this dime-store sci-fi and plausibility are entirely occasional.

If the aliens have mastered light particle transportation, then how come they never think to check behind closed curtains? If they possess powers of self-regeneration, then why are they no match for a wily human armed with a breezeblock and the awesome ability to duck behind a kitchen counter?

It doesn’t help that the dialogue is depressingly utilitarian; if somebody isn’t saying “Go on without me!” it’s usually because they’re gearing up for a full-blown, operatic “Nooooo!” in slow motion.

Directors Colin and Greg Strause have, in the course of their day duties as special effects wizards, supplied visual bells and whistles for everything from Avatar to X-Men. Here, they choose to ignore their own expertise to create identikit HR Giger clones decorated with fairy lights.

Their big idea (a good one on paper, at least) is to make the action apartment-bound and to tease out the drama from reaction shots. It ought to make for an old-school 1950s homage; it ought to be The Thing with Little Green Men. But poor plotting and muddied characterisation ensure it’s a low-rent Left Behind.

“Don’t look up!” trumpets the Skyline tagline. No, really. Don’t.