Oh Lord, it’s time for the awards ceremony that makes even the Oscars seem like a grown-up celebration of cinematic excellence. Yes, it’s the MTV Movie Awards.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

won more or less everything, including such gongs as best male performance (Mr R Pattinson), best female performance (Ms K Stewart) and best kiss (guess who?). The vampires did, however, fail to triumph in the race for the “best WTF moment” award. That went to Ken Jeong for the uproarious

The Hangover.

What everyone really cares about, of course, are the antics on stage. Tom Cruise, adopting his bald, fat persona from Tropic Thunder, shook his ass in the direction of Jennifer Lopez. Then something unbelievable happened. Sandra Bullock kissed Scarlett Johansson right on her big fat lips. That's disgusting! She's old enough to be your daughter, Sandy.