Directed by Robert Rodriguez, Ethan Maniquis. Starring Danny Trejo, Don Johnson, Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Lindsay Lohan, Steven Seagal, Cheech Marin, Jeff Fahey, Daryl Sabara, Tom Savini 18 cert, gen release, 105 min
ENOUGH ALREADY, Robert Rodriguez. How and when will this now-wearisome saga end?
The story so far. . . When Quentin Tarantino announced that he and his movie-making buddies were collaborating on Grindhouse– a scratchy tribute to fleapit genre cinema – we were properly excited. Sadly, we were rather less excited when the finished product turned out to be artistically uneven and financially disappointing.
Following a disastrous theatrical run in the US, Grindhousewas split into two parts for the European market (Rodriguez' Planet Terror and Tarantino's Death Proof), thereby providing two box-office flops for the price of one.
Well, just when you thought it was safe to go back in the cinema, along comes Rodriguez with one of Grindhouse's spoof trailers expanded into yet another spin-off feature. Is there anyone out there who still cares? Is anyone still impressed by low-rent B-picture racketeering?
To be fair, Machetedoes string together a pleasing, if chaotic homage to mid-1970S vigilante grime. Danny Trejo stars as the titular Mexican Federale who, during a routine assassination attempt on a ruthless Texas state senator (Robert De Niro), is double-crossed by the evil-doers who hired him in the first place. Steven Seagal and Don Johnson supply the cheeky postmodern casting. Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez are the ass-kicking babes who make swooning noises when Trejo is near.
As a pastiche, it’s impressive but familiar. Too often the film-makers simply replicate the aesthetic. There ought to be more revelling in the absurdity of its tropes, more one-liners like “Machete don’t text”. Instead we get B-picture breasts and ammo on a phoney A-picture scale. The use of Lindsay Lohan as a drug-addled meta-joke seems similarly disingenuous; this is supposed to be “exploitation” not exploitation.
Put your hands in the air where we can see them, Mr Rodriguez, and back away from the parody very slowly, sir.
