Gérard Depardieu just won’t shut up. A few weeks ago he annoyed Juliette Binoche by describing the French actor as “nothing”.

Now he’s telling us more than we need to know about his dealings with Robert De Niro. Depardieu claims that, when the two were working on Bernardo Bertolucci’s 1900, he offered De Niro a patent remedy to maintain, ahem, tumescence during explicit sex scenes. Apparently, rubbing Tiger Balm and water on the member does the trick. This is his idea, not ours. So don’t sue if anything drops off during the night.