Dear Movie God. Please save us from Regular God films. Amen.

Long before the poor viewer is subjected to watching footage of Captive's real-life protagonist appearing on The Oprah Show, this new faith film has sent the baloneyometer bouncing spectacularly into the red.

Calm your jets, true believers: we're not complaining about Old Timey Religion or core Christian values. It's just that Captive's chat-show, self-help, 12-step brand of worship is the kind wherein the words "Jesus Christ" are interchangeable with "chicken soup" or "Lucky Charms".

This odd true crime spiritual begins with a killing spree as Brian Nichols (David Oyelowo) escapes from a Georgia courtroom, shooting the presiding judge, a court reporter and a police sergeant along the way. The killer then takes refuge at an apartment block, where he kidnaps crystal meth user, Ashley Smith (Kate Mara).

Ashley responds by making him pancakes and reading passages from Rick Warren's devotional bestseller, The Purpose Driven Life. Unhappily, they don't get around to doing anything as exciting as a crossword or Suduko.

Some excellent actors (Mimi Rogers, The Wire's Michael K Williams) lurk around the margins as a far-too-clean Mara and Oyelowo affect Stockholm Syndrome. The latter's menacing performance could not be further from his excellent turn as Martin Luther King in Selma. But that's not enough to justify the existence of this film, which has no interesting place to go after the bloody overture.

Captive is TV veteran Jerry Jameson's first theatrical feature since Airport '77. That's by far the most interesting thing about it.