This week Con Textlooks at Platespeak
Platespeak. Wh4t'5 7hat?
Platespeak is the unique language of vehicle number plates, spoken by the elite few, in which numbers are substituted for letters to create vanity plates that spell out the owner's name, profession or favourite hobby.
Like D1ckh34D?
Personalised number plates are an object of desire for many car drivers - what better way to tell the world what a great person you are than by having a number plate with your own name followed by the number 1? It's a form of vehicular affirmation, a way of establishing a positive self-image among the faceless sea of traffic.
A form of vehicular m45turb4710n, more like.
Alas, those who speak the language of plate have found themselves being ridiculed by the hoi polloi who can't afford personalised plates. People who drive cars with such plates as Ch4rl3s or CA7hy have been labelled vulgar oiks with more money than brains, when all they're trying to do is brighten up an otherwise dull traffic jam with their clever digit/letter combinations.
So what's with these plateheads, then?
A recent report in the UK's Independentwarns that platespeak may soon become an extinct language, like Manx. Since 1963, UK vehicle plates have had to conform to strict structures and guidelines, making personalised plates a rare and expensive commodity. You'd probably pay the GNP of a small country for a plate that reads PETE 1 or TONY 69, but many wealthy vehicle owners have found a cheaper, creative way to show off - platespeak. Your letter/number combination still has to conform to regulations, and it could still cost you a bomb - although chances are you'll have some change left over from 50 grand. But now a Tory MP, James Duddridge, wants to loosen up the government's tight restrictions on personalised plates, and give every UK citizen a chance to express themselves without recourse to awkward combinations of numbers and letters.
Any well-known platespeakers?
Celebrity hairdresser Nicky Clarke has styled a number plate that reads H41 RD0 (hairdo), while magician Paul Daniels (left) has conjured up MAG 1C. If regulations are loosened up, though, these and other vanity plates could lose their value, and thus their appeal for the rich and snobbish.
How awful. We must protect these platespeakers and their way of life, even though I'm not necessarily behind them.
If regulations are loosened, it could mean that personalised plates that once sold for thousands may now be available for the price of a regular plate. Number plates will look more like e-mail addresses, and the UK's streets will be clogged up with Sharons, Steves and Studmuffins.
What's the situation with vanity plates here?
In Ireland, platespeakers must communicate using a very restricted vocabulary. Irish number plates must show year of manufacture followed by county initials followed by the registration number (10386 denotes the 10,386th car to be registered that year), allowing no leeway for personalising your plates. However, the old number plates, with two or three letters and three or four numbers, have become popular among UK platespeakers, although these are also somewhat restricted in their scope. For instance, there is always either a letter "I" or a letter "Z" on the plate, so you can get BAZ, MIK or ZAK but not SAM, TED or DAN. Still, vehicle owners in the UK have been paying top dollar for these plates, plus the cost of transferring them.
Try at home:No, dear, I don't think the new president will pay a million for your 0B4M4 plate.
Try at work:So the guy who ran you off the road had a beard, wore a red suit and his licence plate read S4N7A 25?
