REVIEWED - SEVEN SWORDS/CHAT GIM: THIS bum-numbingly lengthy Asian entertainment belongs to that genre of riding, fencing and kicking movie known in its home territories as wuxia pian. Glossier, flashier pictures of this type have recently had some success in the West, but readers seeking the colour and dramatic flair of Hero and House of Flying Daggers will likely be disappointed by Seven Swords.

The squillionth film from Tsui Hark is certainly not short of epic sweep. Relating tales of the Qing Dynasty’s attempted repression of rebellious martial artists in the 17th century, the picture features explosions, massed battles and hilariously impractical novelty swords.

All good stuff, but Seven Swords is so confusing and is shot with such drab formality that one’s interest quickly wanes. It bears the same relation to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon as Cidona bears to Calvados.

So far as I can tell, the film follows the efforts of seven differently talented swordsmen and swordswomen to thwart one Fire-Wind, a savage mercenary whose underlings appear dressed in homage to Mad Max 2, as he seeks to annihilate the inhabitants of the pedantically named Martial Village. Our band of heroes leads the endangered citizens away from the village towards a quieter locale.

But it soon transpires that somebody has been poisoning their water and feeding Fire-Wind’s people information as to their position.

There is, it seems, a mole in the party. Though the overly specific powers bestowed upon the magic swords recall aspects of Pokémon – “With the dragon sword, you don’t need the key” – Seven Swords is not going to baffle anybody with its foreignness. Featuring a surging score that could as well be used to help sell glamorous consumer goods, the picture is conventional in most every regard.

Still, the elaborate fight sequences will do well enough, and the episodes set among soaring mountains are sufficiently beautiful to compensate for the monotony of the endless dun plains depicted elsewhere. For wuxia completists only.